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"live fast, die pretty"
But if you're ugly, maybe you should slow it down a little...
2 guys at work often debate Jacob vs Edward. I want to tell them their vaginas are showing but I'm worried one might actually be a werewolf.
Throwing your phone after losing on the Monopoly app just does not have the same effect as booming the board and making it rain fake money.
Saw a cute guy and my first thought was "I could see us fighting about something really stupid in a couple months"
WTF is wrong with me??
"We built this city on rock and roll"
The sheer logistics of this sound like bullshit to me.
Giving a blow job with a stuffy nose is what it really sounds like when doves cry.
Thinking about buying a laptop exclusively for twitter and porn.
I'm just not sure how to word that to the "Geek Squad".
Fuckin virgins.
I've already got a great rack and daddy issues, might as well lose 20 lbs and become a stripper.
Ya know, to pay for college.
I can never be a cat lady because I'm allergic.
So basically, I'm gonna need to pull my shit together soon. Fuck.
Me:: "Walk me out to my car so I don't get stolen"
Manager:: "If anyone stole you, they would get a mile down the road and bring you back"
Mo, mo, motor-boat,
In between my boobs,
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Lick my nipples too.
Was just able to slide the term "pearl necklacy-er" into a conversation.
Just in case anyone wondered about my level of class.
Listened to Bone Thugs last night and I STILL remember all the words.
Related:: I make up all my own words to Bone Thugs songs.
The cheese to chip ratio in this lunchable is bullshit.
Do they expect me to eat the rest of these chips plain like a fucking hobo??
Guy comes in while I'm bartending tonight.
After chatting awhile, asks if I have Facebook.
I didn't know people still did that. Weirdo.
A friend of mine was having issues.
Another friend told him- "Get a hooker, put it in her ass, and find yourself"
Best. Advice. Ever.
Stopped on my way home for wine, batteries, and toilet paper.
You think the cashier deduced my plans for the evening??
Living the dirty lifestyle...
