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"Would you like to perform an Australian kiss? It's like a French Kiss but down under."
I was once told to 'go fuck myself' by an ex.
Like I didn't do enough of that while we were together, dickbag.
Someone told me I need to tweet funnier shit.
How's that for you?
Yes, we do notice when you're staring at our tits.
"Wanna hear a joke?"
"I don't get it."
I'm not judgmental. I make fun of everyone, including myself.
If you weren't such an egotistical jackass, I might actually like you.
I'm an egotistical jackass, too. But I like myself more.
I could say 'I love you' but I don't want you to run away again.
If your girlfriend has fucked more girls than you have, I would dump her and start stepping your game up. Thennnnn ask her back out.
Thank you for your input, dick.
You smell of sex and an Asian restaurant.
Happy ending, I take it?
I looked for a job this week.
Well, more like I looked at some weed, thought about selling it but smoked it instead.
I guess I'm saying it would be nice to get a 'gift' in my vaginal region.
I wish I could find the words, the words to tell you I'd fuck you.
You people disgust me.
Keep it up.
Everything seems sex related when you haven't gotten laid in a while.
Let's swallow some babies later.
This tweet could mean everything, or nothing at all.
I could be your boyfriend.
…your boyfriend with a vag.
I wonder if Canadians have different O faces than Americans?
You had me at hell no. ❤ Lie to me, it takes less time to drink you pretty. ✌ I'm medicated, how are you?