"Would you like to perform an Australian kiss? It's like a French Kiss but down under."

I was once told to 'go fuck myself' by an ex.

Like I didn't do enough of that while we were together, dickbag.

Someone told me I need to tweet funnier shit.

Here goes....


FUNNIER SHIT.

How's that for you?

Yes, we do notice when you're staring at our tits.

"Wanna hear a joke?"

"Sure."

"Sex."

"I don't get it."

"OHHHHH!" Hahahahah

I'm not judgmental. I make fun of everyone, including myself.

If you weren't such an egotistical jackass, I might actually like you.

I'm an egotistical jackass, too. But I like myself more.

I could say 'I love you' but I don't want you to run away again.

If your girlfriend has fucked more girls than you have, I would dump her and start stepping your game up. Thennnnn ask her back out.

Thank you for your input, dick.

You smell of sex and an Asian restaurant.

Happy ending, I take it?

I looked for a job this week.

Well, more like I looked at some weed, thought about selling it but smoked it instead.

I guess I'm saying it would be nice to get a 'gift' in my vaginal region.

I wish I could find the words, the words to tell you I'd fuck you.

You people disgust me.

Keep it up.

Everything seems sex related when you haven't gotten laid in a while.

Let's swallow some babies later.

This tweet could mean everything, or nothing at all.

I could be your boyfriend.

…your boyfriend with a vag.

I wonder if Canadians have different O faces than Americans?