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  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    This guy won't shut up about how he's "afraid to use his new washing machine". Someone should just tell him to put a sock in it

    • 62
    • FAVS
    Beerhazeitsathought2MODATDonnamite1dressedinblackCrazyPie__________KingWithACrownDeeta89
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Avatar_unknown_48
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    It's ok for the pot to call the kettle black. So long as it doesn't use the "n" word.

    • 43
    • FAVS
    adurr12Usurper83donniRyneBraunMODATDonnamite1KingWithACrownmetafroth
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    Terrorists are smuggling bombs onto planes and I'm too much of a wuss to take my own sweets into the cinema...

    • 37
    • FAVS
    BeerhazeMODATKingWithACrownmetafrothjacobcDanaRoshniesuperduperjesrepomon
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    Seatbelts on planes are like watching porn for TV repair skills...

    • 37
    • FAVS
    adurr12PrezofEarthsuperduperjesrepomonvalentinemDumbassadorMooseCrackoenin____________
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    Nothing more self satisfying than watching a foreign sales assistant going into the back to check for stocks of "extra medium" T-shirts.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    adurr12KindaLaurenyBeerhazeMODATWhooBooLouKingWithACrownjacobcsuperduperjes
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    When at a urinal: apparently its not socially acceptable to cross streams with the person next to you and shout "ghostbusters!"

    • 34
    • FAVS
    adurr12MODATWhooBooLoujacobcsuperduperjesrepomongloriousballs____LeeOfBacup
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    How many stars do I need to get before I can claim a free coffee?

    • 25
    • FAVS
    MODATKingWithACrownmetafrothamuirinsuperduperjesrepomongloriousballs____valentinem
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    $6.00 for Ambien! How do these people sleep at night?!

    • 23
    • FAVS
    MODATsuperduperjesvalentinemDumbassadorknotta_tardfanbeingtheo________mikeym00nRoadfilm__________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Avatar_unknown_48
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    Twitter is like Facebook if it were to run with scissors.

    • 22
    • FAVS
    MODATdressedinblacklilpyrogirlDanaRoshniePrezofEarthFrets_superduperjesGringoQuixote________
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    In show business, never work with animals or children. Never a truer word spoken, Ron Jeremy.

    • 22
    • FAVS
    MODATKingWithACrownamuirinsuperduperjesDumbassadorofffromcenter____knotta_tardfanbeingtheo________
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    I love shouting "I won, I won" when withdrawing money from an ATM.

    • 20
    • FAVS
    adurr12KindaLaurenyMODATpiercedbratmetafrothDeeta89jacobcEsseErre__________
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    Anyone else find it a little weird that a lot of Labrador owners wind up going blind?

    • 20
    • FAVS
    MODATmetafrothPrezofEarthFrets_piercedbratAtticusFilchLeeOfBacupGringoQuixote________
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    Oh this? This is a bottle of wine. I won second prize in the nosy bastard competition.

    • 19
    • FAVS
    amuirinsuperduperjesDumbassadorknotta_tardfanac_moneyshilbill__________beingtheo________theyrebl1nd
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    Passing that cheerleading exam was easy! I just went in and said "gimme an A"

    • 15
    • FAVS
    DDDBU____________CroweJamnikhimselfTheDLClolamirabella____nabhereiamjustcarawinejohi
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    winejohiflyingJNaipiercedbrat
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    There was a lot of good looking People out and about today. Glad I was there to restore the balance of the universe.

    • 18
    • FAVS
    KindaLaurenyMODATWhooBooLoumetafrothlilpyrogirlFrets_superduperjesDumbassador
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    Remind me that whenever 'sensitive' is written on antiperspirant, it actually means 'shitty'.

    • 18
    • FAVS
    superduperjesDumbassadorofffromcenter____knotta_tardfanmikekane221______awongersleepndad________beingtheo________
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    What if there were no hypothetical questions?

    • 17
    • FAVS
    MODATKingWithACrownmetafrothjacobcEsseErre__________DanaRoshnietammyphinney______Frets_
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    Infertility runs in my family.

    • 17
    • FAVS
    MODATdressedinblackKingWithACrownmetafrothpiercedbratAtticusFilchsuperduperjesfairlydizzy______
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    Man I feel like Jesus. Sure Noah got the credit for building the ark. But who was the carpenter again? Also, the new followers. Thanks guys

    • 17
    • FAVS
    Dumbassadorknotta_tardfanbeingtheo________EsseErre__________shariv67lejessicaMikeClitoris______globetrottgirl
  • Shakin8
      Shakin8 @Shakin8

    I think it goes without saying...

    • 17
    • FAVS
    metafrothsuperduperjesDumbassadorofffromcenter____Roadfilm__________AlexOverHere______mikekane221______benisweird________
@Shakin8

@Shakin8