DON'T DRIVE DRUNK. From 6pm-6am on New Year's Eve/Day AAA will take your drunk self and your car home for FREE, member or not: 800-222-4357

This #Mizzou bball drama is like high school. Anderson left us for his ex, we scrambled for dates, now we have to take the fat chick to prom

Wow, the doctors in this porno are being SO unprofessional

Nike's excellent ad for #Oregon, published tomorrow: http://plixi.com/p/69238900 (via @joshgroth)

The best Olympics text of all time. Gold medal for you, @leshorn http://t.co/dgPgzH0R

So you're tellin' me Mitt Romney couldn't even create a job for himself???!

The Jurassic Park theme music slowed 18 times over makes for a beautiful ambient music track. Check it out! http://tinyurl.com/67kz7jj

HD video of Mizzou Tigers rushing faurot field after beating OU.... gorgeous
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFrIoTEn3eg

Even worse than bathroom selfies: the alone-in-your-car selfies. Rise above it, you guys.

PP-PCH, PP-PP, PP-CH.. YA GOTTA! YA GOTTA! YA GOTTA! YA GOTTA BE FRESH

A hilarious workplace posting regarding time off on 4/20 ... http://i.imgur.com/2v0GDl.jpg

This should be a requirement before sharing the Kony video: http://t.co/pLQS4rr8

Tom Brady heads home to his toasty Uggs & supermodel wife while Tebow pours a stiff Mountain Dew and ponders creationism. As it should be.

If you fell for the 'post this as your status or you'll pay for Facebook' spam, unfollow me now or you'll have to pay for Twitter.

Sasha Grey's dad must HATE the internet

I am amazed at how quickly my dog can poop in the morning without having three cups of coffee first

My TV and Internet aren't hooked up yet, so I'm watching DVD's on my laptop... Just like grandpa did during the Great Depression

Tyler Perry movies #thingsbetterthankansas

Thought I had been watching American Horror Story for half an hour... turns out it was just the GOP Debate

Without Steve Jobs there would be no fonts, Pixar, typography, graphic design, iTunes, touch screens, apps, or even digital downloads. Wild.