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Fuck is like the Ranch Dressing of words. Its good with everything.
As I grow older, I realize that insanity is more of a gift than a curse.
Sometimes, being with my family makes me look forward to Alzheimer's.
So broke right now, if a motherfucker robbed me, he’d just be practicing.
I think Sarcasm should be classified as an emotion.
I wonder if a coke dealer has ever uttered the words "I have pepsi..is that ok?"
Ummm yeah I got nothin. Keep scrollin.
I love a woman that doesnt hesitate to talk shit right back to me.
~Because grownup rides have warning signs.
I’m smarter than people give me creditation for.
Just saw a coworker sprayin febreze on her feet. I dont even know how to react to this. Just…Damn.
Drugs Are Really Excellent
If you’re a female that says the word “burp” while burping… I fucking Love You!
You. I like that shit.
Damn I wish I could star some of your bios.
I just want someone that knows everything about me and still likes me.
People always wonder why I dont let anyone in. Once I do they find a way to twist it and use it against me.
My mind is about as slow as a one legged turtle crawling uphill through crunchy peanut butter right about now...and my elbow feels wet
Im the only Hell my parents ever raised.
I dont smoke to get high. I smoke to bring me down to a tolerable level.