Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
The fitting room at Macy’s smells like crayons and ballsack
I called anorexic hotline and it said they were out to lunch
My bipolar skinhead neighbor was grilling Hebrew Nationals
Why isn’t Michael Douglas doing graduation speech at Oral Roberts
Wow Michael Douglas is taking a licking!
Idea: bar called Conjoined that always offers 2 for 1 drinks
I was busier today than Flavor Flav on daylight savings time
Took my wife to the gyno today and even the sign in pen had lube on it
If I was billionaire I’d offer to show someone around my mansion and hire a dude to play “Walk this Way”
Watching extreme weight loss and if you close your eyes it sounds like a porno
Wife: let’s buy a monogram machine
Me: oh… yes!
Wife: mono not mammo
Has Jim carney uttered one word of truth in the last 4 yrs ?
Called Onstar & said I’ve had a blow out- they said we have the location - great so I don’t need to tell you to bring me a change of pants
My daily stats: shower then bowel movement
My wife said she wanted to go some place fancy & the vibe I’m getting from her at Denny’s is threatening
Tried to steal my neighbors car and Hotwire . Com was not help
Arm chair husband and bipolar dad -I'm on here for a good laugh.