So we go a few days without a Pope and we already cured AIDS?

Jerry Sandusky, from Penn State to State Pen.

If I won the lotto, I would buy Twitter and delete the Kardashians.

Did the math. Facebook is worth $100 billion and with 800 million users that puts the value of a life at $12.50. Never pay a hitman more.

I think I have scoliosis, but it's just a hunch.

Bill Gates donates $750 million to fight diseases, but not the one that killed Steve Jobs, he liked that one.

"I've finally come to Terms." -Guy masturbating to Terms of Endearment

Shooting in the general direction of Rick Ross and missing is the real story here.

You're suing Bill Maher over a joke. RT @realdonaldtrump: Be tough, be smart, be personable, but don't take things personally.

#heroes pic.twitter.com/5aVQ6sOboH

If there are two things I've learned, it's math.

.@sarahpalinusa Did you see the meteor from your house?

Fleetwood Mac & Cheese #FatBands

Black people are the world's fastest marathoners, world's longest runners and the world's slowest pedestrians.

Maybe North Korea just needs stricter gun control laws.

Randy Travis arrested for public intoxication in Dallas this morning. Or as country fans call it, Monday.

Happy Birthday to Steven Tyler of Aerosmith! You don't look a day older than a brown leather couch.

MTV cancels Buckwild before Darwin can.

I'm positive you were convicted of domestic assault. RT @chrisbrown: If its not Positive it's not relevant!

Dated a dolphin. We clicked.