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Jerry Sandusky, from Penn State to State Pen.
Did the math. Facebook is worth $100 billion and with 800 million users that puts the value of a life at $12.50. Never pay a hitman more.
If I won the lotto, I would buy Twitter and delete the Kardashians.
I think I have scoliosis, but it's just a hunch.
You're in NYC this week for SNL. https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/658824292117913600 …
Bill Gates donates $750 million to fight diseases, but not the one that killed Steve Jobs, he liked that one.
Clark Kent can only see his children with supervision.
"I've finally come to Terms." -Guy masturbating to Terms of Endearment
Shooting in the general direction of Rick Ross and missing is the real story here.
If there are two things I've learned, it's math.
Black people are the world's fastest marathoners, world's longest runners and the world's slowest pedestrians.
Maybe North Korea just needs stricter gun control laws.
Writer for National Lampoon. Someecards contributor. Amateur astronaut.
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