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Performed a horrible act of animal cruelty. I just wrangled my boobs into a bra. #bornfree
Dairy Queen, needs to get down and suck Ben & Jerry's crank. This is some gooood stuff B&J!!! Ironic BJ....
Just fired up some Cocoa Pebbles for sup. To be chased by Ben and Jerry's. #notasize3andproud
Sounds like the neighbor kids are killing each other. Excellent.
I spent 45 min undoing what my beauty sleep did to my face and hair. I think that term beauty sleep is bullshit.
Dear Spammers, Get on your knees and suck a fart out of my ass. Then go fuck yourself. Sincerely, Me.
I have released the beasts. No more bra for the day. #BORNFREE
I feel like barfing and am at the dentist of all places. Let's hope this doesnt end horribly embarrassing for me.
If it wasn't for the gutter my mind would be homeless.
The ideal man would bring me a beer after sex. NOT cuddle
Am I the only woman who thinks with her crotch instead of her heart??? #notsopainful
Camel toe. Armadillos, penis, Rhinestones, beer, iPhone, sex, beer, beer, blank, sex, cooler. Random shit that just crossed my mind
I don't want to get dressed and go to work. I'm going to quit my job and be nekked full time. Too bad the pay's pry shit. #fatass