Welcome to Twitter. Please have a seat. A mentally deranged person will be with you shortly.

Everybody go outside and scream really loud and see if we can hear each other.

Starring all of your tweets is the new driving past your house 27 times a day.

If you're in a bad marriage, have a kid. That fixes everything.

Fuck it. I'll star all your shit and creep you out.

Some tit avis we can do without.

My dick head just touched the back wall of the urinal. I'll be dead in the morning :/ goodbye.

Where's my ten foot pole at. I wanna touch some people.

Goddamn I'm hungry! Guess I'll go smoke a cigarette.

If you can't laugh at yourself then what the fuck.

I wanna find that kinda love where we lay in bed together and hate the world.

Hey religious people. What line of bull shit do y'all have lined up to tell us when they find bones on Mars?

Lets stop favoriting each other with the stars and fuck already.

Are you rifling through my tweets?

I've taken so many antibiotics the past 5 months I could probably lick the shower floor down at the Love's truck stop and be alright.

You can't always tweet what you want.

I heard if you lose at Twitter the Devil gets your soul.

Big long drawn out Fuck You.

Smoke cigarettes while I eat your pussy, sweet bitch.

Just puked up 2009 thru 2011.