Yeah that was the best birthday ever. Thanks @paulantonycarr @_crocket @mr_chrisman @vanessa_lever for being excellent.

I'm a ghoul, lurching through the muck of life, trying to put a ring on somebody's finger.

@ecareyo I'm just waiting and hoping for another tweet about Gwyneth Paltrow.

In a 'no pets' bldg, If I tell the landlord that I heard a cat meow next door, I'll feel like the person that gave up Anne Frank.

Hold the stem of your wine glass. Don't grip it like a club, you savage. #cocktailetiquette

Raising my broken blinds each day is like hauling in a bunch of lobster traps from the sea. #apartmentliving

There's only so much Philip Glass I can listen to before I want to ride a horse through the wilds, wearing 12m of white, satin scarf. #music

@chelsey_adel Enter me into your contest!

@talesoflori @delly_bean Perfect! See you tomorrow!

"Tertiary adjunct of unimatrix 17." #nerdquotes

@talesoflori @delly_bean Sun the 23rd?

AHHHHH! “@edmontonjournal: Aussie boy escapes unscathed after egg collection hatches into tangle of deadly snakes  http://edmjr.nl/T5hsTj ”

I eat salad like Spike from the Land Before Time #healthfood #foodfacts

@mr_chrisman butterscotchhhh... : /

Hey @barackobama any chance you can come up north and be the pres of Canada? If not, send Hilary. #Forward2012

When I'm down, I like to imagine Judi Dench saying "dispassionately." #007

@chelsey_adel Your voicemail message: "Hi. You've reached Chelsey AND her pneumonia. Leave a message!" #takeasickday

You clearly haven't been to @fortedpark then. RT “@stats_canada: There are no mosques of any size on the prairie. #yeg

@chelsey_adel I don't mean to laugh, but the Neo Citrin factory burnt down? #hilarious Maybe they were asleep on the job? #wohwohhh

@chelsey_adel if I needed a kitchen designed, I wish you'd do it for me!