When did Ryan Gosling become the president of Vaginatown?

Neat! Just noticed 'religion's also an anagram of 'complete & utter bullshit.'

Kids'll be so pissed when they realise GCSEs mean nothing.

Didn't expect to tear up finishing 'The Moviegoer', but here we are. #books #totalpussy

Theo Walcott’s releasing an autobiography. Weird, 'cause my shits have more personality, but, alas, no book deal.

Weed leaf tattoos are a creative way of saying, ‘I’m a fucking dickhead!’

Starting to think 'not a morning person' & 'casual racist' aren’t great CV sentence-starters.

Missing Wimbledon* (*panting, super-cute European chicks with chunky thighs).

Don’t judge a book by its cover. Unless it features Amy Winehouse; which means it’s probably a cunty waste of space.

@wolfkub Church! #dontvoteroyyo

Anyone know who impregnated January Jones yet? Get in touch. Need to kick his ass.

Your timeline sucks, so #ff: @nintense, @j_walton, @wolfkub, @thorlby & @hallambad.

Now we’ve dispensed with Osama, let’s handle this 'Danny Dyer' situation.

Really hoped I'd own a recreational golf cart by now.

Good luck getting through today without hearing an "I can’t believe it's June already."

Not being a club promoter's just one of my few qualities.

Watch Community tonight, America! It's like Big Bang Theory, only funny & creative & not total shit.

I guess my biggest fear is failure. Or having a son who's really into magic.

Idea: conserve a shit-ton of energy by not telling everyone you're 'so tired.'

What the fuck is a 'Skillrex'?