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Do you know how to tell if someone's a Certified Sommelier?
Don't worry, they'll tell you.
Osama Bin Laden signed up for Foursquare this morning, first check-in didn't work out.
I couldn't sell Cru Beaujolais so I wrote "Gluten Free" next to it on the menu. Now I can't keep it in stock.
A "Selfie" is a picture of a bottle of wine I drank by myself.
My girlfriend whispered in my ear: "Talk dirty to me"...I replied "Brettanomyces"
Vodka by yourself = drinking problem. Wine by yourself = sharing problem
If you don't get wasted on really expensive wines before the Mayans end the world, then they win.
A Master Sommelier can blind taste a wine & tell you what grape, region & vintage it is. I can do the same by reading the label.
If you only drink sparkling wines for New Year's Eve, then you will party like it's $19.99
They say leftover wines taste better the next day. I say, what's leftover wine?
Tonight would be awesome to drop a ring in a Champagne glass and deliver it to a random table.
Pinot Noir is like Lindsay Lohan, just a little too much alcohol and it gets all fucked up.
I have more pictures of wines on my phone than my friends.
For my Halloween costume, I'm dressing up as Syrah disguised as Pinot Noir with a t-shirt that reads "California Grand Cru"
80% of wine reps have sale sheets with scores on them. 100% of sommeliers don't care.
Q. What do you call a good unoaked California chardonnay? A. a miracle
My bucket list has three things: Bucket, Ice, Champagne
In hell everyone wears too much perfume at wine tastings.