I grew up with 3 sisters, I'm not above smacking a bitch out in order to get my turn in front of the bathroom mirror

If you don't climax, the terrorists win.

No one will ever love you as much as your dad, so marry for money. #thingsmydadtaughtme

50 first dates #DescribeYourVaginaWithAMovie

I have 69 followers, that's hot. Im going to make out with myself for 69 minutes to celebrate.

Seriously though, fuck today.

"shit son"- my 3 year old after being told to eat her lunch before she can have popsicle

My boss also, does not respond well to being told to "put your vagina away" #notetoself

Famous last words: hold my drink and watch this.

I'm strong because I have to be, not because I want to be.

Is it too early in the day to tell you guys how badly I want to put certain things in my mouth?

The only thing that gets me through the day, is imagining myself slowly torturing then murdering, each member of the sales team.

Would it be a waste of $ to hire a private investigator to find someone, just so I can punch them in the junk?

Patience is that thing parents have when there are witnesses around.

Playing taboo- his clue "you don't like this after sex" my answer was "cuddling" and now he's not talking to me....?

don't hate #OccupyCalgary for requesting condoms, how are they supposed to pay for those illegitimate kids without jobs? #diapersarentcheap

Listen. #Follow @dianafelyk and @alanfelyk their amount of followers needs to equal their multiple personalities, half way there guys!

My boyfriend just told me that I am "Paris Hilton" high maintenance.

Few things suck more, than drinking a whole glass of juice only to discover the baked on dishwasher gunk at the bottom of the glass.

God so loved the world He gave His only begotten Duck, whoever believe in Him should not perish... #ReplaceAWordInAFamousQuoteWithDuck