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Fucking hell, Valentines Day is already trending. Does this mean that come 2/14 shit like "drunk & alone" & "fuck relationships" will trend?
Sometimes it's the people you love the most that you want to punch the hardest.
Feels like winter break did in college. Loud music, junk food, and prep for a road trip tomorrow. All is good in my world.
If you tweet anything religious today, I will find you, grind you into a fine powder, then leave you in a QT cup inside a smart car.
Sleep would be fucking baller right about now.
Where's Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna? They think they're British, right? #Olympics #OpeningCeremony
It's midnight and I'm drinking milk out of a juice box and eating a weight watchers brownie. I think we've discovered the problem.
Carmen Sandiego is trending....did someone find her or something? Ten bucks says she washed up dead on the bank of some river in Chile.
Got halfway home from CVS before I realized I'd just bought yeast infection medication and a turkey baster....TOGETHER. FML.
If I controlled lightning, I'd use it to do something awesome, like lighting cigarettes, or keeping Tom Cruise away from women and people.
People are assholes.
This guy that I'm kind of dating calls & texts me nonstop...what about me gave him the impression that I would like that?? Leave me alone!!
If you're single and you know it clap your hands....then buy $90 of ice cream online and eat it alone on a Saturday niiiiiiiiight
What a weird thing to say abt McCaskill "She has 3 daughters & loves each of them equally" as if they're going 2 say "..& she hates the 3rd"
One time I accidentally taught my parents what camel toe was. Another time I meatgazed on Taylor Hanson.