Dear God, thank you for all of the new twitter perverts that you have blessed me with today.

Finally jumped on the favstar blowjob bus. I've always been an overachiever, so let's do this right.

Instead of a tramp stamp, I'm just going to get a bull's eye tattooed on my vag.

Sorry, nothing bitter or jaded here ... I'm gonna live the dream. But hang around for a few minutes, I still have to clean the cat box.

Okay, I have to go to a meeting over at the church place. See you guys later if my hair doesn't catch fire at the entrance.

The kitty is now bald. I have more power than I did before. Thank You.

Got twitter mobile. Now completely unproductive. BONUS: 800 perverts now live in my phone!

#Diamonds - For when his cock is unacceptably small.

I know, I'm a slut with a heart of gold. I weep over the injustices in the world and then fuck to feel better.

It's amazing how much more in cuntrol I feel with a bald kitty.

I'm closing my legs, effective next Monday.

Quite frankly, I don't give a good god damn how popular you are on Twitter. We're all internet nerds here.

ATTN PEOPLE IN OIL-RICH COUNTRIES: Just calm the fuck down. I can't afford to fill up the tank of my SUV with all this shit going on.

Shit, who knew Twitter was actually useful for accurate, up-to-date information?

Twitter: A Lovely Place Where All Your Troubles Can Be Washed Away With Jokes About Your Genitals.

This dude just tells me that explorer is his web browser of choice. I never realized what a turn-off that is.

Twitter mobile allowed me to take all of you to a 12-Step Meeting last night. The group was impressed I had found so many alcoholics.

I should probably be out changing the world instead of sitting here talking about my pussy on Twitter.

Today's Twitter Forecast: Cunty With A 90% of Apocalyptic Drama

If you need 5 stars, and 5 stars only, I'm your bitch.