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If I'd been born female, every wall in my house would be mirrored, and you'd have to pry my fingers from my cooch to fuck me.
I'm sure I could come up with something clever if everyone inside my head would just shut the fuck up for a minute
There's very little difference between a 24 y.o. man and a 44 y.o. man, aside from the encyclopedic knowledge of ways to make you orgasm.
"Masturbating" sounds so crass. I prefer to think I'm "exfoliating" my dick. Related - pinkie out adds a classy touch.
The fact that terrorists dream of 72 virgins vs. one MILF who knows the twisty-hands blow job trick is proof of their insanity.
Nothing is more erotic than the inexplicably twisted dance of an intelligent, erratic mind.
Mother-in-law just uncrossed her legs. From the stench, I'd guess she's celebrating Yeaster today.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
Give a wife a fish, you'll hear how Deb's hubs gave her 3 fish & has a good job & fucks good....
On good days, I laugh at myself enough for all of us. I do that on bad days too, but in a more maniacal tone punctuated by sobs and screams.
JK on that last one... If I'd been born female, I'd have died sometime during adolescence. Of starvation. While masturbating. With a mirror.
Remember that first blow job? Me neither... just woke up to a rancid hobo taste in my mouth and a missing wallet.
"Rubbing alcohol" my ass... I tried "rubbing" with some... ran screaming at a full sprint in a 3 foot circle for 10 min .
I think it's funny how some guys here act like they wouldn't fuck Sarah Jessica Parker, or any other female celebrity... or non-celebrity.
Rarely, but sometimes, I witness scattered jewels strewn from a delicious mind-- jewels that in shape and hue, reveal desires so like mine.
Ahh, weekend... you sexy little whore. Daddy's home.
I'm honestly amazed that short-buses don't outnumber the longer variety these days....
I just realized... every single woman, even the less attractive ones... they all have vaginas! ALL of them!
My God, the possibilities....
I swear, the shit I just took screamed something in ancient Sumerian in the voice of a thousand tortured children as it submerged.
FYI - If the wife feels she's being hit on, and asks if you're worried, uncontrollable laughter is an inappropriate response... apparently.
She stood naked, and exposed-- bared to me in the most meaningful of ways-- though fully clothed. And, I saw all of her.
I like to pretend I'm a poet; and, that my left hand is an ostensibly reluctant co-ed. See Tumblr for examples of the former - http://secretedsins.tumblr.com