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I suffer from awesomnia.
Ok. I've tested it.
A "shitload" is about two hands full.
It doesn't matter who you are and what you did to me, if I see you crying after your dog died, I will hug you. As long as it takes.
Please don't leave me alone with my thoughts.
Joined a street protest.
Suddenly a shot, panic and everybody started running.
3 hours and a gold medal later I realised it was a marathon
I'm on an all-time sigh.
Me: "God! I hate people!"
God: "Yeah, me too."
I will never have a midlife crisis.
That would interfere with my wholelife crisis.
I'm MacGyvering myself a new girlfriend.
All I need now is an empty Pringles can.
I put "pi" in opinions because I hate onions.
This fucking skinhead broke in here again, rammed and destroyed all of my interior and then puked all over the place. Goddammit. - vaginas
Don't be afraid.
Come on, follow me.
I won't use any big words.
My girlfriend's superpower is invisibility.
<--- I'm not angry, just german.
If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one but me around to hear it, because I hung myself on it, does it mean I'm fat? :(
Ok. 0 Followers. Time to fuck my way up to the top.
*leaves bouncy castle*
*walks off into the night*
First Twitter law:
Write what you like!
Can you tell from my Tweets that I'm dead inside?
Due to my country's history and how it has scarred the world, you might forgive me that there is one subject I won't joke about. Lederhosen.
People don't taste like chicken... Pet me. I won't bite.