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I can't wait until my son gets over this fascination with his penis and balls, and...wait, why are all the guys laughing?
I really don't get the reason for having more than one Twitter account. Why would I want to look desperately lonely multiple times?
When someone from the Westboro Baptist Church dies, I will show up at the funeral w/a marching band, color guard, Elton John, U name it.
Just think of all the great moments we would have missed if Bugs Bunny had taken the left turn at Albuquerque.
My husband has a porn collection. I don't care. I mean, it's not like I'M going to shove a beer bottle up my ass, so dream on sweetie.
..."And Justice for All (except gays, the poor, single moms, union members, immigrants, non-Christians and Atheists)" #GOPmovies
Jesus: I'm sorry, I really meant to return today, but Osama is yapping my ear off. Some bullshit about some virgins he says I owe him.
When I was asked in a job interview what I liked best, apparently red wine and dick was not the answer they were looking for.
Walmart pharmacy tech: If my kids acted like that, my mom would've grabbed me...Me: Shut the fuck up and give me my Paxil.
I hope this Rapture is more fun than the Rapture of 2000. How disappointing was that?
I saw a 12 yo girl with a tramp stamp in Wal-Mart yesterday. I hope to god it was fake, but I repeat, I was in Wal-Mart.
I guess we can all agree that playing the Trump card is now synonymous with playing the race card.
Don't even get into a battle of words with me. I will verbally gut you like a fish.
My 5 yo son is bragging about how big his poop was. What exactly does that Y chromosome do to you guys?
#withyomonkeyass is trending #1, which just proves unequivocally that the economy is not our only problem.
I'd suck the little blue dicks of 100 Smurfs before I'd see that Sarah Palin movie.
Married, mom of two
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