@perezhilton Well...I'm addicted to dick too but I dont WANNA BE CURED.

Morning sickness or hangover?! The guessing game of the sexually active alcoholic!

Nothing bums me out more than having human feelings. Like, the sad ones and the irritated ones.

@repubgirlprobz Not all democrats are poor and want handouts sweetie.

Everyone wants to be Carrie...but NO ONE wants to be Sarah Jessica Parker.

PSA: If you never chip in for the cab or never offer to chip in, you are a giant dick and all of your friends want to cut your ponytail off

No one actually gives a shit that you got the iPhone5. You are the ONLY one who cares.

Wear white tonight ladies. Its supposed to rain.

I can't be the only girl out there who wants to tweet from the rooftops when she gets her period. ANOTHER MONTH ANOTHER WIN!

I'm so rich my tampons are Chanel - Reason I'm not a rapper.

Morrow, Ohio : Where dreams go to die.

Crossword Clue: a white one is small. PENIS wont fit. Its 3 letters. Help me.

Fuck your inspirational quotes. I'm hungover and I am all about doing nothing and beating the shit out of people.

Its not skinny dipping if you're fat.

I almost forgot why I didn't want to reproduce, then I saw a recent photo of Jessica Simpson and took an extra birth control pill.

Have fun with your early onset wrinkles, tanning bed queens :)

Taught my Mom "Yolo". I want to undo it.

Sometimes I think if I get pregnant, maybe I should keep the baby for the Twitter material.

I bet if you connected all the dicks on UC's team it would wrap around the court twice. #UC

I didn't get pregnant so 2012 you were a success in my book.