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Due to a few concussions, my memory isnt what is used to be. If i forget your name, your birthday, or to pull out, dont hold it against me.
So my wife thought she was cool when she cheated on me. I thought i was fucking genius for selling her photobucket nudes for 10 bucks.
My sense of direction is horrible. How I beat out all the millions of other sperm, ill never know...
Men, please, please, please. Go down on your ladies. If you're not doing it right, you can trust that someone else is.
A guy in my unit, SGT Chavis, passed away earlier this week, and his funeral was earlier today. Drink an extra one for him tonight please.
"We need more boob avis!" -people who can't appreciate the artistic beauty of legs, ass, and eyes. Probably.
@hannahantics Right as i put my phone down, i see another 50 star for Hanna..... Im just gonna hump her leg and wait for her sloppy seconds.
I don't mind if you're a bitch. If you're my bitch. Bitches are fun when you have the green light to tie them down and fuck em straight.
Sometimes its great being a guy. Been sick all weekend, but I know what's NOT wrong. Im not pregnant.
Everynight when I go to sleep, I feel regret for failing to do the one thing I needed to do that day.
Try and take over the world.
Somedays, I wanna look through my TL to see who gets a trophy. Others, I tell myself "She would totally go down on me if i give her this."
Ever go to the store and get more then you want? I only wanted a coke. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v613/Yzak_Jule/2010-02-22093459.jpg
Driving down the road with a guy friend, window down, listening to "I Just Had Sex" by The Lonely Island. Not gay at all....
@hannahantics Is the Oprah of Twitter. Women love her. Men wish they were as powerful. And anything she poops on can be sold for charity.
My dogs block whatever my hand is going for with their head. My keyboard, tv remote, etc. Not very smart to block my stick shift...
99 followers now.... i really fucking hope memorable 100 isnt a bot. Unless its a bot that can cook, clean, and predict lottery numbers.
Oh twitter how i love thee. You make me seem so much funnier then i actually am.
http://t.co/4njhbE0 For all you women out there that enjoy swallowing, how's this for a drink? :)
