Don't lose hope, there are new women turning 18 every day.

I wasn't even looking for page 404, stupid internet!

There's not much difference between babies and grown men, they both suck on titties and fart whenever they want.

I've been legal for two years and still have never had sex with a really old dude. Props to me, amirite?!

Hey guys who masturbate to anything on twitter...you know the internet has porn, right?

Just because you're allowed to use 140 characters doesn't mean you should.

My mom's so lucky I stole the shirt she just insulted or I'd be really mad.

You know who's beautiful? Don't read the first word and flatter yourself, because it's me.

Sometimes I like to run people over with my car. So sue me.

I am never having kids, I value sleep way too much.

Haircuts always scare me, no matter how little I'm cutting off

I got pulled over for the first time today, luckily my good looks got me out of a ticket!

I didn't believe in myself, but after reading your motivational poster, I totally do.

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil for I'm the evilest son of a bitch

"Cursing is unattractive." I'm not attractive anyway, so fuck off

Meow pic.twitter.com/Unn5H7rQFn

Never ever ever work for a family member. Ever.

Shout out to all the young girls who are celebrating this day WAY too early!

I lost a follower because of that last tweet. Do you guys think she had black hair?

Just said "y'all" and "you guys" in the same sentence. I don't know where I live