You ever try Ethiopian food before? Neither have they...

There is a fine line between being sexually liberal on Twitter and being a slutty train wreck.

Politics : Like watching a bunch of monkeys throw crap at each other at the zoo.

I would never delete my drunk tweets, they are expressions of the soul.

I'm not wearing green. Could be worse. I could be faking my Irish heritage like you.

Having a pig is such a tease, there is bacon walking around and I can't have it.

Whose clit do I have to flick to get a retweet around here.

If you come on to a social media site just to put people down, please leave.

"Fat girls are so unattractive." - Acne riddled basement dweller with Cheetos on his lips. Later complaining about being alone.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE FUCKING BEER STORE ISN'T OPEN FOR TWO DAYS!?

I say sorry a lot because frankly it is easier to say than suck my fucking dick.

Everyone should be forced to work a McJob before entering adult life. It gives you a social perspective a lot of people appear to be lacking

You know you're in Canada when the fucking coffee shop increasing their prices 5 cents makes the national fucking news.

Anyone who thinks depression and anxiety is something you just force yourself over is a fucking idiot.

My wife found Twitter I guess I should start getting my lawyer in order for the lengthy divorce case now.

I'm not a comedian and neither are you, comedians get paid. I'm just an asshole with a Twitter account.

Isn't making a month for a specific race by very definition racist?

Someone told me today I shouldn't post my GPS location because someone might stalk me... You think they might throw in some rape too?

A woman without a sense of humor is not worth the weight of her tits.

I enjoy bringing up my new truck to people bragging about their carbon footprint.