The term "streetwalker" is very misleading. Also this girl's mom won't stop yelling at me.

A "bonjour" is a fancy French boner that's shaped like a croissant.

I'm currently having sex with bowl of spaghetti because my girlfriend said "fuck carbs"

This girl is such a drag. She's all "I don't eat fast food" and "I don't do drugs" and "I don't fuck guys with full blown AIDS."

Sometimes I turn @moshballs upside down and eat my dinner out of her butthole. I call it "Dining at The Mosh Pit."

@torrami I hate you too. You gross pregnant slut.

A "tear jerker" is when I sneak up on my girlfriend while she's crying and cum all over her face.

She said she could "drink me under the table" so I pushed her to the ground, pulled her under the table by her hair and pissed in her mouth.

After you cum in a girl's face it's proper etiquette to slap her really hard so it splashes everywhere like sweat when a boxer gets punched.

@ham_tornado @zeroyalbaumer @seanvandalise Can one of you 3 give me soft asylum? I must find a place to hide.

I'm only one or two insincere pop songs about inner beauty away from finally starting to feel good about myself.

@awesomeseank, @bigheb7 was smart enough to bet with the black guy, @jguyton77. I had to blow some guy for cab fare. pic.twitter.com/XSTRG4XpyZ

Some douche bag faggot with his hat on wrong, @oilcan314, @bigheb7 and @jguyton77 at Fairmont Park in Illinois. pic.twitter.com/pR1Ekwcrn9

It's called a "rest stop" because nothing is more relaxing than a ruggedly handsome stranger tugging on my penis while I try to poop.

The Alabama Science Center is just a picture of a skinny white guy in an undershirt punching his wife in the face & setting a cross on fire.

"Black asphalt" was my explanation when I accidentally cheated on my girlfriend in Compton.

I'm not gay, I only take giant cocks in the ass so I'll be fully prepared to smuggle a large plastic bag past airport security.

Christianity condemns illegal drug use while celebrating alcohol abuse because Jesus Christ participates in all US legislative decisions.

What girls age 18-22 lack in personality and sexual skills, they more than make up for by being incredibly gullible and naive.

I achieve balance & happiness in my personal life by contracting STDs from local hoodrats while suppressing emptiness & despair with pills.