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A haiku about getting out of bed:
No no no no no,
No no no no no no no,
No no no no no.
There are no skeletons in my closet. But there is a tiny box of souls in my underwear drawer.
If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it.
If you aren't enough of a man to embrace a woman's curves, you don't know what you're missing out on, and will never deserve to.
My phone battery, bank account and spirit are equally drained.
Do I hate men?
Hahahahhaahaha, don't be ridiculous.
To the little ginger kid practicing his air punches at the bus stop this morning:
Fuck it, I'll be your friend buddy.
We're adults. How did that happen? And how do we make it stop?
I have a device in my pocket that gives me access to every bit of info ever. I use it to look at pictures of cats & argue with strangers.
Boobs, bacon, blow job, butt stuff.
Where's my trophy?
Women are meant to be admired, not understood
If I have to tell you what I want, I don't want it anymore.
I turned my fish tank light off because I'm unhappy. They should be depressed and dark with me.
I hate when bitches say you're too cute to be single. No, I'm too cute to be lied to, cheated on and played with
I'd have 19K followers TOO if my VAGINA was in my avi.
Maybe. I mean, I hope so.
Apparently "cheeseburger no pickles" means make me a fucking PICKLE SANDWICH
What I hate the most about office holiday parties is looking for a new job the next day.
You go your way, and I'll go crazy.
I just want to learn how to whistle, make a relationship succeed and create a new list on Twitter.
If you ask me what I do for a living, I will respond with "hoodrat things."
All you'll ever be is a big fish in a small pond.