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The hardest thing in life is dealing with mismatched Tupperware.
Unless you're a dolphin, please don't wave at me.
The easiest way to a man's heart is with a chainsaw
We must be the only chutiya country in the world which looks upto everyone for any sort of validation, that too, of our movies & cricket.
I wonder how seismologists feel about putting their phones on vibrate.
The best way to show a man that you love him is to completely lose your shit & turn into a psychopath. Men really love it when you do that.
I told her I was going to take her to pound town and now I don't know what to do with this Pug.
I was told, if I had been a girl, I would have been named Jennifer. What a thing to tell a person.
Perspective is the ability to look back and see all of the bullshit that you and everyone else in your life bought into.
If you're worried about tweeting something stupid, then maybe Twitter isn't for you.
Moms be like. 'Teri tabiyat kharab h, ghar p betha h. To ye pankhe hi saaf kar de.'
Once you realize your journey isn't about someone else's idea of your destination, you've found the path.
I'd use the Domino's app if they added interesting updates like "Dave is adding your toppings and his wife is cheating on him."
Giggle in the face of fuckwittery.
Plot twist: You're really one of the stupid ones.
I know they say everyone's a little crazy... But some folks seem to have copped a double dose
Big night planned, gonna hang outside the theatre when magic mike lets out.
My, you ARE sharp. Like an aged cheddar fart.
He won't let me on the bus with my crocodile...how am I supposed to make friends if he won't let me on the bus?
I'm sorry the Beatles weren't named after you, Nikola Tesla. It's not my fault, I had no choice in the matter.
The voices in my head are all smarter than me.
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