Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Maybe if she just let all the pieces fall, then she'll find the answer she's searching for?
Imagine a butt so perfect that you have to learn to play the lute to express your feelings for it
My life is one giant courtesy laugh
Uncle Blair is that man in trouble?
Well little man, he's married so yes, yes he is.
I bet the best part about getting chased on foot by a cop is getting to run through a large restaurant kitchen.
Denzel Washington of clothes. Jeremy Irons. Ben Folds. Tom Waits to start dinner. Keanu Reeves to get take-out.
Most of my plans don't include me.
*walks into Accounting*
"Are you Jim?"
"I'm sorry, you've been replaced."
*holds up potted plant*
"His name is Rustle."
I've never met a coffee table that actually drinks coffee.
Everyone walks into your life for a reason...
You control if they stay.
I dream of a day when Unicorns are at peace with Dragons & I can get rid of this "magic" pixie dust I'm holdin for a guy in green tights.
Hi good evening. I have the next four days off and I apologize that you ended up as my server.
It takes longer to get ready for date night with my cat than update to ios8 but just barely.
I wish you could punch people straight in their taste in music
I'm convinced that my grandma has had the same tissue in her pocket since 1964.
Want to find the fountain of youth? Ask me to talk about a minor inconvenience and I'll turn into a child right before your eyes.
A group of internet ex-girlfriends is called a 'mirage'.