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Some people wear their pride on their sleeve. Sort of like how I wear my breakfast on mine.
Houndstooth anything is like camouflage cargo shorts for old ladies.
stupid fucking brain
Hey boy is your butt a chew toy because hmucklemehnderple- what do you mean stop chewing on your butt?
We go together like drinking really strong coffee and having to poop right after.
MORE LIKE BELLE OF THE BALL-er AMIRITE?
*runs around the knitting circle high fiving everyone*
A group of old white grandparents is called a racism.
Me? I like a quad shot espresso with four pumps of hazelnut
*winks until the end of the universe*
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
I learned how to clear my internet browser when I was still in the womb
I hate you because your hair is amazing.
You ever just look at yourself in the mirror and think why?
I hate when the sun comes out and I turn into one giant freckle
Logic? No. I don't understand that, I have a penis.
oh god I think I want to adopt a puppy with you, is this it? finally something real.
I WILL GO TO BED WHENEVER I WANT AND FUCK YOU THE SUN YOU DICK
I Give Up When Things Get Too Hard : A short film
With a final shriek Curiosity falls. The cats circling her raise their heads in one roaring meow, their kind would die at her hands no more.
*calling out from like 700 feet away*
hi i think you could use some more cologne
An ice bucket challenge to raise funds for those still using flip phones.