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I wish I spoke British. I'd love to know what "I've nicked a spanner in me bonnet at Wexford's, innit?" means. I think it's an easter tweet.
Making the Easter egg hunt more difficult this year by tossing a few in the urn.
Caring for others is a good thing. Just don't forget about you.
I'd shake what my momma gave me, but I'm still not sure how one would tangibly shake alcoholism.
RICHARD MARX: *dials telephone company* "do you mind holding?" WHEREVER YOU GO WHATEVER YOU DO I WILL BE RIGHT HERE WAITING FOR YOU
I'm old school Metal. In other words, I'm sitting on the porch in a teal bathrobe, knee high socks & a cup of tea hoping I poop before bed.
Exactly how long does it take iTunes to send me the CDs I purchased?
I often find myself disagreeing with coffee tables.
If I built a time machine it would have to have tea making facilities.
My coworker doesn't like pullovers but he does wear fucktardigans.
Shucked, yearning for husk
My mom always said “if you don’t have anything nice to say then make sure you tell everyone on social media about it”.
That was in 1983.
"WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?"
*music cuts out*
It's a cry for help. Foxes are being killed every day for their fur.
Hi, I'm Sarah McLachlan..
i did it God! i finaly got 2 of evry animal
ＮＯＡＨ．ＴＨＥＹ ＨＡＶＥ ＴＯ ＢＥ ＡＬＩＶＥ
*noah looks at boat full of dead animals*
do u kno how long this took
DID YOU GUYS KNOW 2008 WAS 6 YEARS AGO? WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes "Man, you're such a Cheetah!" and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
Cinderella is an inspiring story about how if a woman is hot she doesn't have to do chores.
I can't believe it's 2014 and I have to stand up and walk to the fucking fridge to get another beer THANKS FOR NOTHING SCIENCE
The second I pull out the couch blanket I know my night is doomed
My greatest rival is that one booger I can't quite work out of my nose