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One rule of physics is that you only typo when texting people who care about spelling
give your mother what she really wants this Mother's Day; all that money she's lent you your entire life
Brain: we ate 9 hotdogs last week
Me: no, I need the name of the woman who JUST INTRODUCED HERSELF
B: HEY MAN RELAX!
B: 9's a new record
I’m starting to think my wife is only having sex with me to improve her FitBit stats.
The voices in my head are all smarter than me.
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