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People are idiots. Strangely, that keeps surprising us every time.
I pride myself on my ability to scandalise and gross you out at the same time. It's a cultivated skill.
Woke up to the disturbing realisation that I know all the lyrics to Shaggy's songs.
That moment when your mouth suddenly forgets how to chew and bites the inside of your cheek instead.
There's a study that calculated the international average for the no. of times you pee daily. Suddenly I feel real good about my own job.
Just found some mails in my drafts folder that I was supposed to send in 2013. Employee productivity is my middle name.
One of the earliest lessons I learnt in life was how laziness can bring you happiness. That logic still works all these years later.
Constantly reinventing yourself so that you don't remember who you used to be.
Instead of distributing those little red ribbons for world AIDS day, why not give a condom to each person?
Run away before its too late and you're stuck forever.
Been away for a while. Should I be confessing when was my last tweet and what the fuck I've been upto like they make us do in church?
I can't remember if I'm forgetting something.
Told the boyfriend his popularity points will increase if he makes me breakfast every morning but he just went back to snoring.
Remember how you used to think everyone was beneath you and then you grew up eventually.
You're so sunny and happy you're giving me a headache.
Bandra fair feels like the Great Wildebeest migration - the noises are certainly the same.
Slept with the tv on. Woke up as a Telebrands anchor. Buy now for free gifts!
Remember, this too shall pass...but only after causing you tremendous pain and suffering.
The voices in my head are all smarter than me.
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