'You can't say happiness without penis.'

Mum: 'Why can't you be like the other girls and like shopping.' Me: 'Why can't I have a pole in my room?'

My mouth gets me in trouble because I'm a woman.

When you have no life, you get to learn useless skills, ie: writing good tweets.

Some lessons are meant to be learned twice.

It's all about attitude. http://t.co/F6N5xqL5

"Bikini rule is simple. No cellulite."

Mommy issues= bipolarism + self esteem issues + psychotic.

Subtweeting is a bitch, like karma.

"If I get 10 million dollars, I'm going to give half of it for charity" Bitch please.

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because have sex with me."

I like her, but I don't like that you like her too.

'They asked if I was living in sin. Oh yes, I moved there years ago.'

'There are no rules when multiple orgasams are involved.'

Reasons. http://t.co/tNM9SLOd

If you cure me from being lazy, I'll give you anything.

Gay songs aren't gay when you're in love.

Guys are lucky bastards. No feelings or PMSing.

I enjoy watching a man crazy in love, tortured because he can't be with his love. Why doesn't he exist? I need to be entertained.

@ltsfahad you just have the perfect tweets for the perfect time