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If I order sweet potato tots and you give me regular tots, it's almost like you are asking me to burn your Sonic to the ground.
Like any intelligent woman over 30, I'm well aware when I'm being played. But that doesn't mean I won't play along to see where it takes me.
I'm a "haha." He's an "LOL." But we make it work, people. We make it work.
I sleep naked. He sleeps naked. It comes in handy when neither of us is sleeping at 3am.
No sex was involved in the making of this sandwich.
If you (don't) want visible claw marks down your back the next day, (don't) ram your cock inside of me as hard and as deep as you can.
I need to perk up. Somone come smack me around a bit. And then do the sex stuff to me. And then we can take a nap.The nap will do the trick.
Can we all agree there is nothing creepier than a kid's toy playing a song after you've just left the room?
When my twittercrush RTs my other twittercrush, I think maybe my poly twitter love does have a chance of making it in this crazy world...
Yeah dude, retweet that mundane shit. I'm positive she's going to fuck you now.
I've got a whole lotta meh going on today.
You earn a special place in my heart when you ignore the glaring typo and still retweet me.
If you change your name & avi at the same time, my opinion of you starts all over again. For some of you, that works in your favor.
I once had a crush on a boy I met on the internet. Then we met in RL. Three years later we got married. You just never know.
I think a dude stopped talking to me when he realized I wasn't actually going to fuck him. This is exciting! It's like high school all over.
Can you give me a pep talk about why I had kids while I chug this bottle of vodka?
"I had fun with you today. Sleep well, sweet dreams. I love you." Toddler: "Shirt."
You know that spooky feeling you get when you realize someone on twitter isn't what he/she seems. I should probably get that more often.
The newborn is clearly a boob guy. I did not see that coming.
Just wrote my best 181 character tweet ever! Just take my word for it.
Just a quirky girl with a good memory and a better imagination.