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Ever feel like you got chewed up and spit out by a fuck-your-shit-up machine?
Buying lemonade from the neighbor kids' stand to swallow a pill with. I have a prescription, but I still feel like a bad ass. :)
Ever park under a turdberry tree on a windy night? Happened to me. :(
Let Jesus take the wheel. Really? The automobile wasn't invented until almost two millennia after he died. Stupid Jesus fish.
Sign above the coffee maker at work:
This machine has an on/off switch.
Do *not* unplug it or I *will* cut you.
People who spell out web site URLs on TV: it's not "backslash" or "\". The separator character is "/" or forward slash aka "slash".
This isn't working ... Fine our new safe word is going to be GET THE FUCK OFF ME.
We barely have sex anymore, she's always playing those Cabbage Patch Zombies and Angry Turds.
Gotta love the old folks driving their old POS car. Slow turning into a street so they won't fart from all that excitement.
Founder of Project-Zulu, a double-secret operation at Area 59. Alpha testers for Twitter web client wanted, please DM for URL.