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Remember how I started a twitter account then didn't post anything for 3 months and everyone got mad and murdered their kids? I need a nap.
It's ironic that so many gays want to have sex with Tim Tebow because I don't fully understand irony. Or gays. Or football.
I've been a member of twitter for 3 hours and I still have no followers. You're all stuck up.
Hey bearded guys, your face looks like a vagina only with less hair. I love the 70s!
Twitter's great because I think I'm so goddamn interesting.
My followers are 50% pornslutwebcambots and I'm not sure how to feel about it. My elementary school counselor was right, I'm probably gay.
I'm just about the fattest bulimic you'll ever meet.
I don't always wash my hands, but when I do I feel like I deserve an award.
I was born with balls. Only literal balls, however. While I wait for my figurative balls to arrive in the mail, this is where I'll say dumb things anonymously.