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I'm not fat, I'm kidnap-resistant.
I want to glaze you like a doughnut. You may take that as a sexual devient or a sugar fiend. Your choice.
There are no limits to the evil of man.
It's now 4pm and I have not told a single person to fuck off today. I really am making progress in being a better person.
I have spent way too much time sober since I got married and produced a child.
Jesus-fucking-christ. Can you people stop tweeting VP debate stuff, and use twitter for it's intended purpose : Boobie pics.
Went to the wake for a friends father. Made me sad. Saw my ex-gf there. She got old and fat. Not so sad anymore.
We could eliminate 80% of tweets if women would just put their positions on oral, swallowing, anal and tit pics in their bios.
The Bitchier the woman, the better the chance she likes it in her ass.
After being married for over a decade, I no longer believe in "true love." However, "True Hate"... that shit is for real.
I think I'm allergic to pants.
An ice cream truck, but for whiskey.
Always practice safe sex - never use your real name.
Life would be so much cooler if I had a mariachi band follow me around everywhere I went...
I am just a stranger in a strange land. This is the unfiltered dribble of my mind, so it's probably not suitable for anyone.