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  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Gift @SmithWit Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 1,012
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComiccassvincemyglazedfacesass_slingerhispanicmathmanPaperWashShashannaPrincecuntrystronggal__
    • 888
    • RETWEETS
    hispanicmathmanTMagolaaman226Meyerss___CallMeCidcuntrystronggal__Lamheyystaceyray86
    CelebrityChezAllyBallyBealTheRealDrToddIamEnidColeslawMasterOfFuryBrennanDurant____littlekitnerboyShcmoodles__
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    I've lowered my bar so much, I just tripped on it.

    • 679
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicthemarkclintonviolet_heartinPounce_de_Lionlecapitankatiejpuncholonaive_nomore__thetristanblake
    • 272
    • RETWEETS
    violet_heartinDarkerJournaljacksotwisterjpuncholo1BornWildMrAssholeToYou__SavsterMiGreenMonk
    Northside_MikePoliticallyILL1marcusparkersolSteelFontana__
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    May I get your name? Yes, its "I'm The Only Person Here Waiting For Coffee."

    • 499
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicclowndro__AlanAymietexfuncamgirlArtfulDetectiveSamiam556cerveza_y_tacosjulie_mcwright
    • 177
    • RETWEETS
    eford89cellardoor50ArtfulDetectivelovealwayslacySamiam556cerveza_y_tacosSherrieSpetzMarcusBangem
    LazerPunchCaptainObtuse
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Be thankful for Twitter. The way gas prices are headed, we're never going to meet real people ever again.

    • 485
    • LIKES
    logicinyourflawJasonBanksComicthemarkclintonviolet_heartinmyglazedfacewordsartmagicanitaluke13vivaPalooka
    • 265
    • RETWEETS
    logicinyourflawviolet_heartinAndrea__M___BeautifulOne__KizzzyUntouchableShe__hispanicmathmanLucraeBeat
    partiallyproSteelFontana__
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    I have concluded that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all the missing socks.

    • 386
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicjulie_mcwrightthemarkclintonviolet_heartinBWoWzer__lucy_nyholm123Ferbette4CRCavazos
    • 201
    • RETWEETS
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    nowarranty
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    You know you've had too much coffee when you take the stairs.

    Six at a time.

    • 308
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicjulie_mcwrightthemarkclintonviolet_heartinmyglazedfacehispanicmathmansanguineselkieGoodSCGuy
    • 117
    • RETWEETS
    themarkclintonviolet_heartinGoodSCGuymatt102910_______SmashLandingvanilladog69cbme69__RadMcCool
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Don't be sad Andi, Nick will see you again: Outside your kitchen window, with a butcher knife. And a locket. #Bachelorette

    • 295
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicthemarkclintonmyglazedfaceLoveNLunchmeathispanicmathmanskaylamissJordanRaglinCarolHello1
    • 171
    • RETWEETS
    Mslys26LEISUREGODDESSchelseasimmons__NicoleLeeTV1dimpleGdiamonddscottlazs91HottWheeels
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Not sure what it means, but the town drunk just walked by my house, shaking his head at me...

    • 291
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicthemarkclintonXOSchitzoviolet_heartinmyglazedfacehispanicmathmanMinionTrainer__rumandrocks
    • 85
    • RETWEETS
    themarkclintonXOSchitzoviolet_heartinrumandrocksUp2LongQstnds4_Queen__goodersuk74______DGonzelez
    TheStarMachine
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Whenever I have to send an Email to an AOL address I think, "This will go unread. This person can't possibly still be alive."

    • 285
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicthemarkclintonKartikDharviolet_heartincassvincemyglazedfacehispanicmathmanTeaBeaPea
    • 112
    • RETWEETS
    themarkclintonviolet_heartinUp2Longcanonmaster______Northside_MikecatcervenyMasterOfFurydatkidduknow____
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    If we can have HD video from Mars then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.

    • 280
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicjulie_mcwrightthemarkclintonviolet_heartincassvincemyglazedfacehispanicmathmanJohnBlackNow
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    themarkclintonviolet_heartinlilsislynneerinshinaurgeekisshowinggodholioremiel20MistyamberA
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    I don't have kids. I have cocktails.

    • 262
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicthemarkclintonviolet_heartincassvincemyglazedfacehispanicmathmanjozigirlUp2Long
    • 73
    • RETWEETS
    trusiki1985LillithLedaUp2LongBobFoxx214TomOwen_Sirrruhmax_pad21Ray_stephan
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Dibs on "Tanning Mom" as a Halloween costume.

    • 247
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicmyglazedfacehispanicmathmanUp2Longfillthevacuumgoodersuk74______poppa_sofSirrruh
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    SirrruhlovemydogduckSharpeBytesbrainsdocrezeskibitchFacekitty____JimmerThatisAllMasterOfFury
    joeljeffrey
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Based on today's wardrobe, my favorite color is dog hair.

    • 246
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicthemarkclintonviolet_heartinmyglazedfacehispanicmathman5secsofanficKittenWrittenUp2Long
    • 77
    • RETWEETS
    themarkclintoncatastrophe_kidkatieboyce18VN_RubenUp2Long_Shells1courtspilmorejannable9
    Up2Long
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    In a town of 2 streets, you'd think the two limos would pass each other #TheBachelor #bachelor

    • 224
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComiclazs91ellendeubnerMattersofGenderWillyyNillyyDGeethaMadhuriMaddie_Moss_8Mountaindazey
    • 69
    • RETWEETS
    lazs91AGN5oh1LTweetChawkins_22CherylmLDTCceciliArchitectaejamariaRCline87
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Why is happy just an hour?

    • 215
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicviolet_heartinBombay_MartinicassvincemyglazedfacehispanicmathmanJohnBlackNowGentlemanHonor
    • 70
    • RETWEETS
    cassvincejsdevvvallisonwlndThateverydayguyUp2LongBobFoxx214SirrruhRag3Ryan__________
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    He said the spark between us was gone, so I tasered him. I'll ask him again when he wakes up.

    • 211
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComiccassvincemyglazedfacehispanicmathmanThePhotowagonTeaBeaPearumandrocksUp2Long
    • 105
    • RETWEETS
    32580beccaThePhotowagonrumandrocksUp2Longconeal32helloimvikingoRojoLipscanonmaster______
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    I'm not always witty. Sometimes I'm wasted.

    • 205
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicviolet_heartincassvincemyglazedfacehispanicmathmanThe_Dorkster______ihuffpaintIceIceBaeBae
    • 66
    • RETWEETS
    cassvinceihuffpaintfavstar_historytrusiki1985Ray_stephanCPK3gunnerfan69__lovemydogduck
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Oh, great!!! I used volumizing shampoo and now I can hear all the thoughts in my head...

    • 191
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicmyglazedfacehispanicmathmanThateverydayguyFor_KicksWAYNES_O__________rumandrocksFKACornshucks
    • 52
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    32580beccarumandrocksKittenWrittenUp2LongiGreenMonkLoverkeithlevlovemydogduckGrillinChillin9
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Another Day of Twitter Poker: I'll see your booze dependency & foot fetish & raise you a narcissistic psychopath w/a meth addiction & a pony

    • 186
    • LIKES
    JasonBanksComicmyglazedfacehispanicmathmanThateverydayguyFor_Kickssssh_squirrelWAYNES_O__________FKACornshucks
    • 61
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    Up2LongJellyNinjasgoodersuk74______BootsyMcgeelaurarbxTmoney68nevincrainlovemydogduck
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Him: I never meant to hurted you.
    Me: I never meant to date someone who doesn't know English.

    • 181
    • LIKES
    myglazedfacehispanicmathmanFor_Kicksheadway10Up2Longgoodersuk74______ThreeCatNightsBobFoxx214
    • 41
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    BobFoxx214ctrabs01143aminthemornjinkeejnrbtsn__________ApocalypseBnGRatchet7DonAshley_Rivers18
    squashguy15
@SmithWit

@SmithWit

Writer, Identical Twin, NFL Cheer Alumni saying what your inner monologue wishes it could. Can't laugh at yourself? I'll do it for you. OC gal in the south.

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