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  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Gift @SmithWit Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 1,011
    • LIKES
    cassvincemyglazedfacesass_slingerhispanicmathmanPaperWashShashannaPrincecuntrystronggalChaitraSalian
    • 888
    • RETWEETS
    hispanicmathmanTMagolaaman226Meyerss___CallMeCidcuntrystronggalLamheyystaceyray86
    CelebrityChezAllyBallyBealTheRealDrToddIamEnidColeslawMasterOfFuryBrennanDurant____littlekitnerboyShcmoodles__
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    I've lowered my bar so much, I just tripped on it.

    • 678
    • LIKES
    themarkclintonviolet_heartinPounce_de_Lionjunkyardiganjpuncholonaive_nomore__thetristanblakeMrAssholeToYou__
    • 272
    • RETWEETS
    violet_heartinBipolarNazijacksotwisterjpuncholo1BornWildMrAssholeToYou__SavsterMiGreenMonk
    Northside_MikePoliticallyILL1kytillidieSteelFontana__
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    May I get your name? Yes, its "I'm The Only Person Here Waiting For Coffee."

    • 497
    • LIKES
    AlanAymietexfuncamgirlArtfulDetectiveSamiam556cerveza_y_tacosjulie_mcwrightmoondog13unitedcakedom
    • 176
    • RETWEETS
    cellardoor50ArtfulDetectivelovealwayslacySamiam556cerveza_y_tacosSherrieSpetzMarcusBangemDebraMuffin
    LazerPunchCaptainObtuse
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Be thankful for Twitter. The way gas prices are headed, we're never going to meet real people ever again.

    • 483
    • LIKES
    themarkclintonviolet_heartinmyglazedfacewordsartmagicanitaluke13vivaPalookasass_slinger_Kizzzy
    • 264
    • RETWEETS
    violet_heartinAndrea__B__BeautifulOne__KizzzyUntouchableShe__hispanicmathmanLucraeBeatmwendwadennis
    partiallyproSteelFontana__
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    I have concluded that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all the missing socks.

    • 385
    • LIKES
    julie_mcwrightthemarkclintonviolet_heartinBWoWzer__lucy_nyholm123Ferbette4CRCavazosSBStarbuck
    • 201
    • RETWEETS
    themarkclintonlucy_nyholm123jonathanrlearyFerbette4Red_ScootaSBStarbuckjennniibabybbyvelociraptor
    nowarranty
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    You know you've had too much coffee when you take the stairs.

    Six at a time.

    • 307
    • LIKES
    julie_mcwrightthemarkclintonviolet_heartinmyglazedfacehispanicmathmansanguineselkieGoodSCGuymatt102910_______
    • 117
    • RETWEETS
    themarkclintonviolet_heartinGoodSCGuymatt102910_______SmashLandingvanilladog69cbme69__RadMcCool
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Don't be sad Andi, Nick will see you again: Outside your kitchen window, with a butcher knife. And a locket. #Bachelorette

    • 294
    • LIKES
    themarkclintonmyglazedfaceLoveNLunchmeathispanicmathmanskaylamissJordanRaglinCarolHello1svennyjohnny
    • 171
    • RETWEETS
    Mslys26LEISUREGODDESSchelseasimmonsNicoleLeeTV1dimpleGdiamonddscottlazs91HottWheeels
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Not sure what it means, but the town drunk just walked by my house, shaking his head at me...

    • 290
    • LIKES
    themarkclintonXOSchitzoviolet_heartinmyglazedfacehispanicmathmanMinionTrainer__rumandrocksUp2Long
    • 85
    • RETWEETS
    themarkclintonXOSchitzoviolet_heartinrumandrocksUp2LongQstnds4_Queen__goodersuk74______DGonzelez
    TheStarMachine
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Whenever I have to send an Email to an AOL address I think, "This will go unread. This person can't possibly still be alive."

    • 284
    • LIKES
    themarkclintonKartikDharviolet_heartincassvincemyglazedfacehispanicmathmanTeaBeaPeaMinionTrainer__
    • 112
    • RETWEETS
    themarkclintonviolet_heartinUp2Longcanonmaster______Northside_MikecatcervenyMasterOfFurydatkidduknow____
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    If we can have HD video from Mars then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.

    • 279
    • LIKES
    julie_mcwrightthemarkclintonviolet_heartincassvincemyglazedfacehispanicmathmanJohnBlackNowAdventuresOfDan
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    themarkclintonviolet_heartinlilsislynneerinshinaurgeekisshowinggodholioremiel20MistyamberA
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    I don't have kids. I have cocktails.

    • 261
    • LIKES
    themarkclintonviolet_heartincassvincemyglazedfacehispanicmathmanjozigirlUp2Longfillthevacuum
    • 73
    • RETWEETS
    trusiki1985LillithLedaUp2LongBobFoxx214TomOwen_Sirrruhmax_pad21Ray_stephan
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Dibs on "Tanning Mom" as a Halloween costume.

    • 246
    • LIKES
    myglazedfacehispanicmathmanUp2Longfillthevacuumgoodersuk74______poppa_sofSirrruhTmoney68
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    SirrruhlovemydogduckSharpeBytesbrainsdocrezeskibitchFacekitty____JimmerThatisAllMasterOfFury
    joeljeffrey
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Based on today's wardrobe, my favorite color is dog hair.

    • 245
    • LIKES
    themarkclintonviolet_heartinmyglazedfacehispanicmathman5secsofanficKittenWrittenUp2Long_emmxy
    • 77
    • RETWEETS
    themarkclintoncatastrophe_kidkatieboyce17VN_RubenUp2Long_Shells1courtspilmorejannable9
    Up2Long
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    In a town of 2 streets, you'd think the two limos would pass each other #TheBachelor #bachelor

    • 223
    • LIKES
    lazs91ellendeubnerMattersofGenderWillyyNillyyDGeethaMadhuriMaddie_Moss_8MountaindazeyTrish222
    • 69
    • RETWEETS
    lazs91AGN5oh1LTweetChawkins_22CherylmLDTCceciliArchitectaejamariaRCline87
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Why is happy just an hour?

    • 214
    • LIKES
    violet_heartinBombay_MartinicassvincemyglazedfacehispanicmathmanJohnBlackNowGentlemanHonorFirstAidBoxx
    • 70
    • RETWEETS
    cassvincejsdevvvallisonwlndThateverydayguyUp2LongBobFoxx214SirrruhRag3Ryan__________
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    He said the spark between us was gone, so I tasered him. I'll ask him again when he wakes up.

    • 210
    • LIKES
    cassvincemyglazedfacehispanicmathmanThePhotowagonTeaBeaPearumandrocksUp2Longmandydeville
    • 105
    • RETWEETS
    32580beccaThePhotowagonrumandrocksUp2Longconeal32helloimvikingoRojoLipscanonmaster______
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    I'm not always witty. Sometimes I'm wasted.

    • 204
    • LIKES
    violet_heartincassvincemyglazedfacehispanicmathmanThe_Dorkster______ihuffpaintPeaceInTruth1Up2Long
    • 66
    • RETWEETS
    cassvinceihuffpaintfavstar_historytrusiki1985Ray_stephanCPK3gunnerfan69__lovemydogduck
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Oh, great!!! I used volumizing shampoo and now I can hear all the thoughts in my head...

    • 190
    • LIKES
    myglazedfacehispanicmathmanThateverydayguyFor_KicksWAYNES_O__________rumandrocksFKACornshucksKittenWritten
    • 52
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    32580beccarumandrocksKittenWrittenUp2LongiGreenMonkLoverkeithlevlovemydogduckGrillinChillin9
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Another Day of Twitter Poker: I'll see your booze dependency & foot fetish & raise you a narcissistic psychopath w/a meth addiction & a pony

    • 185
    • LIKES
    myglazedfacehispanicmathmanThateverydayguyFor_Kickssssh_squirrelWAYNES_O__________FKACornshucksUp2Long
    • 61
    • RETWEETS
    Up2LongJellyNinjasgoodersuk74______BootsyMcgeelaurarbxTmoney68nevincrainlovemydogduck
  • SmithWit
      SmithWit @SmithWit

    Him: I never meant to hurted you.
    Me: I never meant to date someone who doesn't know English.

    • 181
    • LIKES
    myglazedfacehispanicmathmanFor_Kicksheadway10Up2Longgoodersuk74______ThreeCatNightsBobFoxx214
    • 41
    • RETWEETS
    BobFoxx214ctrabs01143aminthemornjinkeejnrbtsn__________ApocalypseBnGRatchet7DonAshley_Rivers18
    squashguy15
@SmithWit

@SmithWit

Writer, Identical Twin, Former NFL Cheerleader & Snarkamist saying what your inner monologue wishes it could. If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll do it for you

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