@Smmythe's (Miss Ma'am) most faved Tweets...
Heidi Montag: No longer needs to wear a lifejacket when out at sea, but will require a motorboat from time to time.
To all of the men who claim that "There's nothing sexier than a funny woman," Paula Poundstone thanks you.
What's really embarrassing about having a 5-year old is this: put us in a public place together & he always looks like the one in charge.
Oprah: "The low-fat diet made everybody fatter!"
Apparently Oprah didn't hear that eating 5,487,272 of anything low-fat makes you huge.
Apparently Oprah didn't hear that eating 5,487,272 of anything low-fat makes you huge.
Every time I make fun of another woman's flaws, the dude in my head whispers, "How are those thunder thighs hangin?"
Why is a nipple so taboo? Why should it be labeled a malfunction every time one pops out? I think Birkenstocks are a malfunction.
Finally taught Granny to text. Today, I got this gem: "Q, hav you had a BM lately? Call me." Technology is so cool.
Is there a difference between a $4 mascara and a $25 mascara? Sure there is! It's called a bottle of wine.
I've never understood the phenomenon behind twins in porn or centerfolds. That's a girl with her hand on her SISTER'S BOOB.
My feet are really cold, so I Googled to find out what diseases I could have. "Lack of Mobility." How embarrassing.
Excuse me, sir. You appear to have two large and very terrifying caterpillars on your face. There. Below your forehead.
Eating Total cereal for dinner with an anti-aging mask on my face. All of my dreams are slowly coming true.
In the continuous search for a REAL job, I have decided two things: 1) I wish I was of Mexican descent, and 2) Ain't too proud to beg.
My little sister says ponytails are professional. A pony, to me, is very unprofessional. It cannot do the job of a real horse.
Tip: To have your favorites shown faster, follow @favstar