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  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    The definition of insanity is doing the same person over and over.

    • 192
    • FAVS
    redpawn3brandonmeehan____joaomatthews_depreciated______smuttercup________mattiebatslayerDONTJIMMYMEJULZSeanBlazed
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    danieldavid1968monni_cpukdog3alexxxieeTwiterHeromagicmoonchild____DeluxeIndian______fitboynurse
    NicestHippounanythingdonni
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    To keep people from stealing my food at work, I labeled it, "Fertilized Eggs." That worked for two weeks.

    • 104
    • FAVS
    redpawn3brandonmeehan____depreciated______letsdancebitchsmattiebatslayerSeanBlazedbrenthendyjonniarmani
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    favstar1000favsDeluxeIndian______unalgoFavstar500FavsThePlainManwcjuju____________efyrtscw_________
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    Yo, person who has never changed his/her profile pic. Who do you think you are, an ICON??

    • 76
    • FAVS
    TheMongoose69JiminyKicksItMarkAFuqua_HuntHormonella_Ms_Moneypenny_Robski_BoyErroneous_Meredpawn3
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    Erroneous_Meredpawn3Favstar500Favswcjuju____________designertalks
    redpawn3
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    If you consistently have the same problem with multiple individuals, maybe you should explore something called the "common denominator".

    • 62
    • FAVS
    redpawn3brandonmeehan____joaomatthews_depreciated______mattiebatslayerbrenthendythisjasonemirkr
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavstollehausTheStorySneidiTeeTailwaggersUSA_moonface_________favstar_popPrettyRudeEee
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    Charlie horses during sex?

    Yes, you're doing it right.

    • 54
    • FAVS
    redpawn3depreciated______Smethaniemikeym00nmattiebatslayerthisjasonjscottwilsonbuck4itt
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    danieldavid1968Favstar500FavsTheGlenBeckNot__GonzoOKC
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    Woah, I just said "camera phone." Hi, I'm 60 years old. Wheel of Fortune's on, can you pass the clicker.

    • 51
    • FAVS
    Erroneous_Meredpawn3brandonmeehan____depreciated______mattiebatslayerthisjasonemirkrjscottwilson
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    Erroneous_Meredpawn3Favstar500Favs
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    When trying to throw a very persistent suitor off, stop at nothing. I told one today, "I eat poop," and the texts finally ceased. Whew.

    • 51
    • FAVS
    redpawn3brandonmeehan____depreciated______mattiebatslayerthisjasonbuck4itttollehausYourBabyJames____
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favsfacingafrica
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    The only thing my hair is good for, is sex.

    • 45
    • FAVS
    redpawn3joaomatthews_depreciated______mattiebatslayerthisjasonjscottwilsonbuck4ittDeluxeIndian______
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    redpawn3danieldavid1968
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    Sometimes you wanna warn the next one. But then you think, "Naw, girl. You ride that crazy train."

    • 44
    • FAVS
    jennifergracenseriouslysweetredpawn3brandonmeehan____depreciated______mattiebatslayerthisjasonemirkr
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    redpawn3shuttup_jordan
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    Inside every 65 yr old man is a 45 yr old man. Standing in front of a woman, asking her to "kiss it." Remember that on Grandparent's Day.

    • 44
    • FAVS
    brandonmeehan____depreciated______mattiebatslayerthisjasonemirkrbuck4itttollehausYourBabyJames____
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    redpawn3
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    It's like I vacuum just so that I can have a clean place to dump my crumbs.

    • 38
    • FAVS
    redpawn3llvvzzzRowdyBowdensenderblock23depreciated______mattiebatslayermatttufflupe_deluxe______
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_popGreenishDuckmostlyunicornsNitrostreak_indialpc
    GreenishDuck
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    Incense generally makes any place a safer place for farting..

    • 29
    • FAVS
    redpawn3llvvzzzmattiebatslayerJoliegirl8________FilthyRichmondnartobiLisaCanDrivebonisteel
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_popDizzyBumpkinstrandyfranchGangBangShrimpbradbonddesignnavattackmister360Cap_Balmori
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    I like commas so much that sometimes, during sex, I like to bend the penis to look like one, pause, and then pick up where I left off.

    • 29
    • FAVS
    redpawn3mattiebatslayerUNCLEMIKETWEETScranky_kajuYWIRThePlainManstupendudietredbull
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    figtreeyouthe_dini__iMelbelfavstar_popshuttupjerkbhavya10____SLotH13TheGoodJew
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    Funny. There is no "Clear Cookies" button on my stubborn belly fat.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    redpawn3RowdyBowdendepreciated______mattiebatslayerthisjasonemirkr_moonface_________AlexOverHere______
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    After these 9 espresso shots, I'll show you a cool trick where I fart and coffee comes out of my eyeballs.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    redpawn3depreciated______IamDangerpants__mattiebatslayerYourBabyJames_____moonface_________inmynewskinThePlainMan
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    Guys can joke around about our little love handles, but as soon as we mention the words "length" or "girth" no one's laughing anymore.

    • 33
    • FAVS
    redpawn3depreciated______mattiebatslayerthisjasonUNCLEMIKETWEETSYourBabyJames____ThePlainMankattcalls________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    hoochified
    hoochified
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    Almost just called my mom, my ex-boyfriend, the police. Anyway, it wasn't a mouse; it was a balloon in my closet slowly deflating.

    • 32
    • FAVS
    redpawn3mattiebatslayerthisjasonemirkrseekers80UNCLEMIKETWEETSpaul_shinnSmmythe
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    LastRobotThePlainMan
    ThePlainMan
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    If I learned anything at all from my last relationship, it's that you can't ride one single donkey on a journey around the world.

    • 28
    • FAVS
    mattiebatslayeremirkrdietredbullLittleHarmonicasheepie91vagstarsaucywhiteBuck4it__________
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_popThePlainManwcjuju____________redpawn3
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    Each time I clicked "Unfollow" I whispered, "I don't NEED YOU." And it was very maniacal and I'm glad you weren't here to see that.

    • 31
    • FAVS
    redpawn3mattiebatslayerthisjasonemirkrThePlainMankabifffdietredbullapodixis
  • Smmythe
      Miss Ma'am @Smmythe

    The whole sex-with-the-same-person-for-eternity thing is okay with me. It's the living-with-the-same-person-for-eternity that scares me.

    • 25
    • FAVS
    redpawn3sabr121violetsiva________ImAFridayNightfacingafricaDumbassadorAlexOverHere______extramiso
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    princeton0916extramisoDeluxeIndian______davidethmkwonShoupDizzle______
@Smmythe

@Smmythe

How am I doing? The same.