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I could never be with someone who doesn't love the world as much as I do. I hate everyone in it, but I've got mass respect fo that earth tho
Not entirely sure what I was thinking when I agreed to this.
Ugh I can't get laid cause I'm just too much of a nice guy
a tweet absolutely devoid of quality
a reciprocating saw for your grandmothers toenail claws. a hybrid electric ass hair sculpting fan. a mechanical wrestling princess.
Isle of Lucy is where all the loose eel balls end up.
Twitter jail for the third time this week. She's back.
I pressed random button on my iTunes, not blast from my tween years button.
Life is full of surprises! Because it ate all the surprises!
Jerking off a frozen poop until it cums diarrhea? Wow, that's a disgusting idea and I hope you feel horrible for even thinking about it
Just kidding I never forget anything ever
Someday I'm going to grieve the frittering away of these days but for now I dunno, inexplicable mood trench?
Whenever I buy a comfortable pair of ugly shoes I'm reminded I used to walk 10 steps ahead of my dad as a kid. Because his socks showed.
That moment when you wake up and don't know if it's 8:30 am or 8:30 pm. Yeah, that.
Please god, tell me that's a pimple on my ass. I was looking for a reason. WHERE DID I HIDE THAT NOOSE??
When you're bantering with someone cause they're cute but it's like really not that funny but you keep going anyway
Did u know that u sneeze faster than the speed of that Kessel run joke?
When we 69, is your nose not right in my bhole?
Woke up at 4:00 a.m, raspberry ZOTS next to the alarm clock. Breakfast is so important. Who would know? It was like the "Perfect Storm."