I can actually think of 2 people dumber than you; your parents, for having you.

I wouldn't say you're a tool because a tool is useful.

Please wipe your feet on this bear trap before coming into my home.

You make looking unattractive effortless.

Why must you insist on being alive?!

You remind me of one of my bowel movements.

If being stupid were a professional sport, you'd be the league MVP.

I'm making mashed potatoes laced with crushed glass & rat poison if you're hungry.

I'm sorry... you're just not attractive enough for me to respect your opinion.

I think you should seriously consider no longer breathing.

I think you could really benefit from some alone time... like 25 years in solitary confinement.

I'd like to take back anything negative I've ever said about you & say it about you again with fresh enthusiasm!

You're really good at being really dumb.

You know what would look good on you? A ton of bricks.

You must have been a diaper in your previous life because you love getting shit on.

I'd like to award you a star for your behavior... a throwing star to the face!

Do you know what you & a hobo's belly button have in common? You both stink!

You must have been dropped several times at birth.

I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of hiring a hitman to end your sorry existence :)

I didn't get you a get well card because you're dead to me.