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  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    My rules for starring on Favstar: If it makes me smile = Star. Snort milk? = Retweet. Snort milk when I wasn't drinking milk? = Trophy.

    • 77
    • FAVS
    virginkilla12charliedelta7LaurenngilletteCseashellsGroperClevelandHoboTearsdiarrheal3abygurl87
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    charliedelta7l3abygurl87disarray_atbestKennedydp5kellyskellyunclebensnephewcernomaChazewill
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    You think you're addicted to Twitter? I used to suck dick for re-tweets!

    • 36
    • FAVS
    virginkilla12DjAguilar125DIDUSAYCHEESEcharliedelta7Dirk_HammerLaurenngilletteHoboTearsdiarrhea
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    TherapistCornerDIDUSAYCHEESEcharliedelta7LaurenngilletteclitfingerManJuggsKennedydp5Str8GuyGayQuote
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    "Fuck you guys, I'm still the coolest." -Sliced bread

    • 30
    • FAVS
    LaurenngilletteGroperClevelandHoboTearsKennedydp5JesseWellersavvystriderTequilaTearsNotTooFunny
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    bobsaysdrinke_Rodriguez_RodrDanielaangelica_pardoNarkSidefaeriegirl28shakaplanfaith3lizabeth
    jefftminston
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    I wanna get 50+ likes on Facebook. Quick - someone impregnate my wife.

    • 27
    • FAVS
    CseashellsHoboTearsKouklamichelleScenicleasithinkiamBlondrbomberkatrina_graybrandonmeehan
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    TherapistCornerkatrina_grayKalel0119AlexaKathleenKennedydp5e_Rodriguez_
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    These days it's all "Mexican-this"and "Muslim-that"... I long for the days when people of all races came together to make fun of the Irish.

    • 31
    • FAVS
    HoboTearsdiarrheaKennedydp5savvystriderkellyskellySoCalismNotTooFunnySortaBad
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Buck4ite_Rodriguez_
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    "For my comedy album cover, I want a closeup picture of me, but with duct tape over my mouth!" - Every 90s comedian

    • 25
    • FAVS
    HoboTearsKennedydp5JesseWellersavvystriderjeffrohowardsheerluckholmese_Rodriguez_HFMRide
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    CaptainTrevorLea_Stephanie__
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    And now, for a record 25th straight year, the Annual "Worst Straw-Puncturing Technology In A Kids Drink" Award goes to....Capri Sun!

    • 22
    • FAVS
    HoboTearsKennedydp5JesseWellersavvystriderjeffrohowardsheerluckholmesSortaBadjefftminston
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    pdFLIPSnaughtnotjsquared427
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    "Man, I got RAPED by Uncle Sam this year!" (Guy talking about his taxes, or possibly his uncle).

    • 21
    • FAVS
    Kennedydp5JesseWellersavvystriderNotTooFunnysheerluckholmesSortaBade_Rodriguez_talkinboozeball
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    yupyoudumbassleGauz
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    Ford Taurus: What people who've given up on their dreams use to drive to Arby's.

    • 19
    • FAVS
    HoboTearsKennedydp5JesseWellersavvystriderkellyskellyjefftminstonmx1cane_Rodriguez_
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    e_Rodriguez_
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    Step 1: Gather the shittiest ham/cheese slices you can find. Step 2: Add crackers. Step 3: Shrink everything by 67%. (Lunchables)

    • 17
    • FAVS
    Kennedydp5JesseWellersavvystridersheerluckholmesSortaBade_Rodriguez_TrainedHedonistHFMRide
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    isaiahweddlecoffeyfan77
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    I'll bet Dave Coulier still thinks about that time Alanis Morissette went down on him in a theater.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    HoboTearsKennedydp5JesseWellerTequilaTearsjefftminstonezeddalyYourPalJasonelhammer23
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    e_Rodriguez_Aldonjor
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    My favorite Pretenders song is that one where they pretend to be a good band and the lead singer pretends to be hot.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    Kennedydp5NotTooFunnye_Rodriguez_HFMRideDaoSagenavesssanau_ghty1BaconSword
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    Prehab212NarkSidedishinyourbelly
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    Enjoy the smell of Hot Pockets, Pepsi and farts? You'll love walking through the Software Engineering Department of any company, anywhere.

    • 13
    • FAVS
    Kennedydp5sheerluckholmesSortaBade_Rodriguez_OuterJohnLea_Stephanie__allspamaccountfresh_poppy
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    leGauz
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    The most undeserved celebration in sports has to be the high-five/fist-bump by fellow teammates after a missed free throw.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    HoboTearsKennedydp5e_Rodriguez_jefftminstonLea_Stephanie__allspamaccountlazerdoovSortaBad
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    BernieWEEIFistMe
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    Why is the Hamburglar called the Hamburglar? He steals burgers, not hams! If anything he should be called the Hamburgerburglar.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    e_Rodriguez_HoboTearsblackbeltjonztheedgeofchrisadamochoaangryBobRossryanincoHandsomeJer
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    theedgeofchris
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    Fine, unfollow me if you want my good sir. You'll be back! THEY ALWAYS COME BACK!! (They never come back).

    • 8
    • FAVS
    HoboTearsjeffrohowardsiamondaykellyskellyjefftminstonezeddalye_Rodriguez_MarkGnarley
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    iPhoNewsROdanielapetrescukellyskelly
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    "I hated my hipster friends before hating hipsters was cool." -Rare 'Anti-hipster' Hipster.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    jeffrohowardNotTooFunnySortaBade_Rodriguez_dishinyourbellyHandsomeJerleGauzfresh_poppy
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    Hey you. Do you think you're a clean person? Yeah? Are you sure??

    Tip your keyboard upside down right now & then shake it.

    You disgust me.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    HoboTearsblackbeltjonze_Rodriguez_ezeddalyDareDarilyndisarray_atbestTequilaTearsTFriss
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    Hey did everyone see that Mark Wahlberg movie where he's a tough kid from the streets tryin' to go straight & in the process finds himself?

    • 10
    • FAVS
    HoboTearsezeddalyMothpeteRaging_Zombiee_Rodriguez_AUTOTWOTRichard_KeepEricMarten
  • SoCalism
      Tex Colorado @SoCalism

    Romney beat me by 8 votes? I totally got "Caucus-blocked" -Rick Santorum

    • 8
    • FAVS
    TequilaTearsezeddalytwinanatorYourPalJasonPhilLaysheOe_Rodriguez_EricMartenNotKarma
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    e_Rodriguez_
@SoCalism

@SoCalism

Back in my day we used to get spanked by Presidents all the time. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions.