Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
My rules for starring on Favstar: If it makes me smile = Star. Snort milk? = Retweet. Snort milk when I wasn't drinking milk? = Trophy.
You think you're addicted to Twitter? I used to suck dick for re-tweets!
"Fuck you guys, I'm still the coolest." -Sliced bread
I wanna get 50+ likes on Facebook. Quick - someone impregnate my wife.
These days it's all "Mexican-this"and "Muslim-that"... I long for the days when people of all races came together to make fun of the Irish.
"For my comedy album cover, I want a closeup picture of me, but with duct tape over my mouth!" - Every 90s comedian
And now, for a record 25th straight year, the Annual "Worst Straw-Puncturing Technology In A Kids Drink" Award goes to....Capri Sun!
"Man, I got RAPED by Uncle Sam this year!" (Guy talking about his taxes, or possibly his uncle).
Ford Taurus: What people who've given up on their dreams use to drive to Arby's.
Step 1: Gather the shittiest ham/cheese slices you can find. Step 2: Add crackers. Step 3: Shrink everything by 67%. (Lunchables)
I'll bet Dave Coulier still thinks about that time Alanis Morissette went down on him in a theater.
My favorite Pretenders song is that one where they pretend to be a good band and the lead singer pretends to be hot.
Enjoy the smell of Hot Pockets, Pepsi and farts? You'll love walking through the Software Engineering Department of any company, anywhere.
The most undeserved celebration in sports has to be the high-five/fist-bump by fellow teammates after a missed free throw.
Why is the Hamburglar called the Hamburglar? He steals burgers, not hams! If anything he should be called the Hamburgerburglar.
Fine, unfollow me if you want my good sir. You'll be back! THEY ALWAYS COME BACK!! (They never come back).
"I hated my hipster friends before hating hipsters was cool." -Rare 'Anti-hipster' Hipster.
Hey you. Do you think you're a clean person? Yeah? Are you sure??
Tip your keyboard upside down right now & then shake it.
You disgust me.
Hey did everyone see that Mark Wahlberg movie where he's a tough kid from the streets tryin' to go straight & in the process finds himself?
Romney beat me by 8 votes? I totally got "Caucus-blocked" -Rick Santorum
Back in my day we used to get spanked by Presidents all the time. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions.