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I would give literally anything to not have to go to work tonight. First born child? Take it! My soul? Who needs it? Sex stuff? I'm yours!
"If we see any mermaids I'm gonna ask them where their merginas are."
Spoiler alert: everyone on Facebook is fucking THRILLED that it's finally Friday.
At work watching the Lindsay Lohan trial online. Has it really come to this?
Dear hatefu Auburn Family members, you are misrepresenting our Creed. You're a disgrace to this university and to what we stand for.
Apparently ppl think they're gonna get around our closing hours by leaving all their shit here while they leave. I'll throw it away. Try me.
I will take what is mine with fire and blood.
Snooki is pregnant and engaged. Wtf is MY life?
I hate when ugly people are nice. It makes it harder to wish they were dead :(
Thought I saw Lindsay Lohan today. Its was a toilet bowl brush.
My new favorite thing is the downfall of Amanda Bynes.
Do the people campaigning know that literally everyone hates them?
The Auburn Family is All In even in the darkest of hours. I believe in #Auburn and love it. War Eagle.
Deal with it.
Remember a long time ago when you actually had to pass all your tests to graduate? #NotInMyHometown
Look famous. Be legendary. Act easy. Appear complex. Radiate presence. Travel light. Seem a dream. Prove real.