Your mission: Make me happy. Your obstacle: My attitude.

My super power is blowing ginormous cum bubbles.

Hard and fast. We can do slow and nice when I'm decrepit.

I'm just way too lazy to stalk you.

Not responsible for erections. Well I AM, but not the end result. Well I AM, but not the clean up. Well fuck, that erection is all my fault

Putting my sex toys in alphabetical order.

Have I tweeted any "I take it up the butt" tweets?

The man I need doesn't exist.

Don't trust a bitch with your man if she has no man of her own.

How do you stop loving someone?

I'm naming this food baby after you.

Sometimes you just feel like giving a fuck. Or two, or three.

Rocking the look of desperation.

I bet none of you can say you got a vat of semen for Valentine's Day.

Not even my taint likes you.

Let's just fuck and get this over with.

Just blocked my first retard, I feel all better now.

I buy orange juice with pulp just so I can have at least one thing to bitch about every day.

Laughing at my own DMs. Cuz I know no one else will.

Drop your pants.