RT if you've tried annual sex.

I'm a college student; I'm one who will flaunt it via semi colons in tweets. They have diverse uses; there's no conjunction within them.

The hole in your throat tells me that you like to over-indulge in pleasure. I'm a little turned on.

2013 and we're still using brooms

Damn it! My skin isn't peeling the right way - THIS WHOLE SUNBURN IS RUINED!

Please excuse me if you catch me talking to myself. I need to rehearse for my next doctor appointment.

Bravery is handing over a flash drive without screening its contents.

Please, no one make a slideshow video of my facebook pictures for my funeral.

Hang on guys, I'm just about to get good.

Just walking around the walmart parking lot watching people squeeze out of their cars.

Mom cleans my room when I go to school and leaves piles of condoms I lost track of on my dresser, assorted by variety.

Loneliness is feeling how vacant and empty the air is as it bounces off your skin.

Dont say "Of course you do" about me having eye drops. I dont say "Of course you do" about the plan B you have sitting around. (#allergies)

If I were a lion, I'd just enjoy the feeling of my tail swishing across the backs of my legs all day.

Maybe one day I'll get to shop by price, high to low.

Mom takes apart my Legos when I leave the house for me to rebuild so we can, "Get our money's worth."

All of my mistakes have 'Pressing Send' in common.

Well your first mistake was moving in with someone who has their own tattoo gun.

My friends heard that listening to Death Cab for Cutie causes moob growth and now their albums are apparently the go-to birthday present.

Nothing shatters my confidence like the amount of concentration I require to draw an octagon.