@Somethingesque's (Rhymes with 'orange') most faved Tweets...
You guys are gonna be so embarrassed when you find out that Pat Robertson is right and God really is just an insane old asshole.
14
I pretty much fail at anything that involves getting out of bed. Which means I need a job as either a prostitute or coma patient.
9
I put my penis in. I pull my penis out. I put my penis in, and I... apologize. Cuz that's it. I'm finished. Just take your money and go.
8
Cashier: "$2.50 and $2.50... That's, um..."
Me: "$4.00?"
Cashier: "Yeah."
Maybe the lack of adequate education in America isn't so bad.
Me: "$4.00?"
Cashier: "Yeah."
Maybe the lack of adequate education in America isn't so bad.
7
If there's one life skill I wish I had picked up somewhere along the way, it'd have to be Being Able To Explain Shit To Fucking Morons.
6
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 WILL FUCKING KILL YOU AND EAT YOUR ENTRAILS AND WEAR YOUR SKIN AS A COAT.
5
Told the porn bots I love them and 5 stopped following me. Funny, same thing always happens with women.
5
My advice to you is the next time a banana tells you to do something, you fuckin do it, no questions asked.
5
First person to bring me chocolate cake gets to watch me eat chocolate cake. Actually, I don't want you watching me eat, you weird fucker.
5
Man vs. Food? Fuck that. I wanna make a show called Man vs. Booze. Are you reading this Travel Channel?
4
2 in 5 males suffer from twimpotence, which causes tweets to be unfunny at critical times. Of course, the other 3 guys have limp dick, so...
4
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