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I walked through three different airport terminals because none of the other bars served Blue Moon because dedication.
THERE IS A MAN EATING FRIES WITH A FORK AND AIRPORT SECURITY IS DOING NOTHING ABOUT IT.
If I could go ONE day without putting my shirt on backwards, maybe I'd look like I have my life together.
Had a pretty busy day drawing myself into all your Instagram pictures.
I'm trying to find a dress that isn't inappropriate for a funeral, but my ass is like "HAHAHAHA, no."
It's almost as if people don't want go shopping unless the store is closing in five minutes.
If the couple on a date sitting at the table next to us don't stop talking, I'm going to have to eat their appetizer for them.
I walked downstairs to get a Capri Sun, but finished the entire drink going up the stairs, so I once again have nothing to drink.
My friends say
'I don't know how you put up with your husband'
It's easy, I'm not even married'
I'm spending the day a 44 yr old woman who's husband died of cancer a year ago today. Cherish every day & the people you love.
Question, does she have a vagina or penis?
Because sometimes it matters.
A serial killer who plays the bagpipes as a murder weapon
Peeing with the door and window open is as outdoorsy as I get.
I could spend hundreds of g's on med school or I could be a beach bum for free.
Why do you think I might be competent at anything? I've worked closely with you for years and don't know if your name is Kirsten or Kristin.
I get along great with people who love me. @Blarebare gets my noogies.