Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
He brought me batteries for my GameBoy, but we both know they are headed straight for my vibrator.
People who describe themselves as a "yummy mummy" make me vomit on anything and everything in sight..
Obviously I alternate between depressed and horny. Whatever. Now bend over. I feel like spelunking in your giant shit cave.
"I'm only teasing you", I don't see you holding an adderall in one hand and can of redbull in the other
you're not teasing me...no worries.
You're a worthless piece of shit maggot, Karate. Fuck your face with a broken beer bottle, cunt.
What I learned from my last TC:
The only difference between a man and a small child is that the child isn't nearly as obsessed with sex.
Now at Joseph A. Bank, buy one sport coat and for the next five generations your first born male will never pay for another suit.
The best way to deal with life's confusions is to not deal with them at all and focus on important stuff like making fun of your coworkers.
Reply to emails from your exes this Holiday Season with a simple "Unsubscribe".
I bet you were the Homecoming Queen. Am I right, Stupid?
I’m “was born in 1985 so I’m 28 years old” years old.
Did I do this joke format right??
My twitter crush knows I’m alive but chooses to subtweet and flirt with every other girl on twitter besides me.
I'll ankle pick the leg your standing on and cradle your ego away. I just need to put on some pants first.
For some, love comes in the form of diamonds; for me, it comes in the form of snugglefucks.
Y'all are brutalizing me. @Blarebare gets my noogies.