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I've been invited to a dinner party that is serving braised lamb tonight.
Meanwhile, I just ate Sonic in the McDonald's drive-thru.
That's enough for 2015, Duggar family.
Somebody asked why I bothered putting on makeup if I'm in a long-distance relationship.
I'm sorry. Am I allowed to take a shower, too?
I overheard my neighbor telling my dog to shut up.
This is war.
I swear I'm experiencing menopause just from attending my mother's birthday dinner.
Sorry, guy who went through the effort of liking every single Instagram photo without my boyfriend in it, but no.
The bar I'm at is giving away free tequila shots every time Donald Trump says "Mexico" during the debate tonight.
*blots your oily t-zone through phone screen*
My dog thinks that a visitor is at the door every time a notification goes off on my phone, so at least someone thinks I have friends.
Pioneer in black market dermatology & limb removal. @Blarebare gets my noogies. IG: steveguttenberg
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