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Sending my love and prayers to the people of Cleveland. Nothing happened. I just can't imagine having to live there.
Who the fuck needs one of those period tracker apps when you find yourself tearing up over the ending of an episode of Chopped?
I decided against posting a selfie because I look dead behind the eyes, but it actually would be the most accurate portrayal of me yet.
There are two girls in this Whole Foods who are discussing cat acne.
A guy wearing a hoodie with the sleeves cut off, a woman spanking her child, & other things I've seen my first 10 minutes I've been at IHOP.
Putting elephant slippers on my dog's nose to make it look like she has trunk, in case you're wondering what I'm doing for the next 6 hours.
My car battery is dead, but I am more concerned that the bacon cheeseburger I ordered has no bacon on it.
"Are there flying spiders?"
and other things this weed has made me Google.
Siri changed my haha to Hahahahahaha like I'm some kind of psycho.
Good. Now you know what you're fucking with.
Nice job editing your photos in black & white with thirteen different filters.
I initially thought it was an ultrasound picture.
someone gimme a couple hundred dollars so I can put a stripper pole in my room
Now that I'm unemployed, my laundry is staring at me like "What's your excuse now, bitch?"
In an effort to not get murdered and for future job-hunting, I've finally changed my Twitter handle from my real name.
Don't lose me!
word to your moms. i came to drop bombs. @Blarebare gets my noogies.