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Me: Caught a Squirtle at the massage place in Chinatown.
Coworker: Oh, you play Pokémon?
Do you keep rancid mashed potatoes in your pocket? https://twitter.com/sonofcha/status/753363055032107008 …
I'm about to get naked & do a rain dance.
Damn this heat to hell.
Find a construction site w/ a wrecking ball and sing WRECKING BALL like Mylie Cyrus in my bra & panties while swingin on it.
"I knew she'd say 'no'. He's clean cut. She likes her men to look like criminals or as if they live in an alley." - mom, on my taste in men
At least all I have to worry about today is wanna be hippie white kids who are too spoiled to even care about the world.
Hate has never solved one single thing. But love and chocolate chip cookies... that's where solutions are found.
Considering wearing my bathing suit and flip flops to work today so they understand how dedicated I am
Freedom of speech, absolutely.
But while you're at it, try exercising your freedom to be a decent human being.
[Scrolls Twitter for 3 hours. Hears husband coming. Jumps up and bends over in front of him with tiny shorts on pretending to clean floor]
The one thing you will always hear about quickly after a new mass murder in the USA, and that is which new record has just been broken
There is no such thing as a "social media expert." You don't master social media, social media masters you.
End hatred with violence. End violence with more violence. If desired result not achieved, default back to hatred and start over.
It's not their fault if they hurt your feelings.
Just like it's not your fault when you stop caring.
i'm no magician but people love it when i disappear. @Blarebare gets all my noogies. IG & Snapchat = @sonofcha
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