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I can’t wait for the day when a person’s sexuality is not considered news.
Make all guns shoot backwards.
If the next element discovered isn't called amirite, why do we even have science?
One more time, If you are using twitter for anything other than mockery, self-aggrandisement or writing one-liners, you're doing it wrong.
I really want to know why "responsibilities" aren't called "sucktime".
The Jews totally did Nazi that coming.
Girls who can squirt are just showoffs. Filthy, amazing showoffs.
Dear anyone who believes in something regardless of facts, I appreciate your faith, but you are destroying the entire fucking world. Stop.
Attention is a hell of a drug.
My sleep number is narcotics.
If marriage isn't about having a mom you can fuck, I must have been reading the wrong Greek tragedies.
Warning! Prince wants more than your extra time and your kiss! Proceed with caution!
Didn’t the government have to read 1984 in middle school?
I make myself laugh more than everyone I've ever made laugh combined.
I'm almost 100% certain that Dr Seuss didn't intend for industrialists to whore out his message of environmentalism.
MY MOM JUST PICKED MY TWEET AS TWEET OF THE DAY BUT SHE JUST SAID IT WITH HER MOUTH & NOW IM LOOKING FOR A MOM WHO BOUGHT THE BONUS FEATURES
If you've followed me recently you may have been offended. Think about what I said that offended you & consider that you might be a bitch.
The only reason that a dead rock star is held in higher regard than a living rocker is that the dead one can't make a bad album now.
DAMN YOU WIKIPEDIA I FORGOT ABOUT SOPA AND NOW I CAN'T LOOK UP THE REAL WORLD ROAD RULES CHALLENGE BC YOU'RE STANDING UP FOR MY RIGHTS.
Having an orgasm on painkillers is like winning all of the Olympics at the same time.
cheesy. bread. that. i. brought.
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