Definition of: TWITTER -- that thing you do to pass the time between porn downloads.

I love watching people with new accounts get stars for the first time. They have no idea they're about to be sucked into the black hole.

More people would care more if I commit twittercide than suicide...fml

I feel more useless than your college degree.

You don't have to be dirty on twitter to gain followers......but it helps!

If you can't treat her right, don't be pissed when someone else does and she leaves.

I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by joining Twitter and not leaving my house.

No twitter for two weeks, just to prove I could.

"YOU SUCK MOM!" yes. yes I do son, but not enough according to your dad.

if I was on facebook I would "like" all my friends moms and not my friends

Twitter where approval is a star away!

For my favourite super hero @spideroger http://t.co/ENGf6HcM

Anytime you're afraid to try some new shit...just remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.

Put a giant condom around your heart and fuck your feelings!

Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.....

To those of you who don't use your real picture because you think you're ugly... Thank you.

Just so you all know...I delete most @'s the next day. It's nothing personal. I'm married...

A second after I've tweeted something, I think of a million funnier ways to put it.

"Looks aren't everything" - Liars.

Those nano seconds it would take for a woman to catch a guy watching porn... That's when our inner ninja explodes.