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@Spinchange Re: "RIP @cockiness" See? Coolidge was right. Nothing can take the place of persistence.
1
I'm not even sure why they bother making Spaghetti-O's without the little chopped pieces of hot dogs in them. Seems sorts of pointless.
5
Becoming an old philosopher seems to be a process of learning to talk lovelessly about the things you've loved.
4
I suppose there's a certain geek appeal to ordering a pizza online, but I prefer to deal with the surly teenager who answers the phone.
2
If I regret but one thing in life, it's that I've never owned a car with Kate Winslet's palm print on one of the windows.
I get you, fellow passenger wearing a cowboy hat and thick glasses, reading a Star Trek novel, and picking your nose. I get you.
For St. Patrick's Day I've painted my nipples green. Just kidding I'm only eating spinach dip naked again.
The IT group was talking about narcissism when they walked by and immediately I think they mean me.
7
Twitter announces they will be cutting back to 135 characters. Let's see how clever you motherfuckers are now!
I've heard the myth that fat girls give the best blowjobs. Any short, skinny girls wanna prove that wrong?
13
Each night I jot down ideas for funny tweets.
First thing I read this morning:
OKAY I GOT MY SECOND WIND WHO CAN SMELL THAT
*proud tear*
First thing I read this morning:
OKAY I GOT MY SECOND WIND WHO CAN SMELL THAT
*proud tear*
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