That mustard pre-cum when you forget to shake the bottle, really ruins a hotdog

Canadians do it doggy style, so they can both watch the hockey game

I always giggle when they ask if I've had any homicidal thoughts... why do they always take that as a no?

There is nothing more sexy than a razor sharp mind and a wicked sense of humour

My g spot is in my brain.

A woman is never more powerful then when she is on her knees.

Vulgar is the new honest.

That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man, if with his tongue he cannot win a woman.

Even Shakespeare went down.

I always get a kick out of the tweets on how to keep men happy from women, You know how to keep a man happy? Let him be the man. Period.

OMG... daughter just said I would make a good burlesque dancer... she is now officially my favourite child.. is that wrong?

The older I get the less I give a fuck about what people think. I fucking love it!

Thank you Twitter for forcing me to use the dictionary, the thesaurus, proper tense, and better grammar. Your not a total waste of time.

I want to thank the interesting, clever, witty, sarcastic, and even disgustingly funny people I follow, for making me laugh every day.

There's no emoticon for what I'm feeling.

Happiness lies neither in vice nor in virtue; but in the manner we appreciate the one and the other

I remember when getting drunk was still a novelty and not the necessity that adulthood makes it.

One of the draw backs to having a lot of male followers- retweets of idiotic bimbos. I want to throat punch some of these stupid cunts.

I feel like Alice in Wonderland . I fell into the rabbit hole (Twitter) and I can't find my way back.

Ignorance is bliss. So is arrogance.

But I was rough with that sexy bitch (black 12 gauge). And when she came, I owned her.