Did you know that if you put your ear up to a stranger's leg you can clearly hear them say, "what the fuck are you doing?"

Weird.

Somebody called me a nerd.

I was like "Star Wars" and walked away.

wait, can a death row inmate request pussy as his last meal?

Careful who you let in your life, not everyone deserves to know how truly fucked up you are.

hey guys that do that "bros before hoes" bullshit. how does your bros dick taste?

no matter how many dicks you suck, your daddy still isn't going to love you.

You know what I learned on Twitter?
You stop following me, my life continues. Nothing changes.

Gasp!! I know, right?

Just try and hurt me.
I'm ginger.
So you know, no soul.

I don't care how old I get, I'm still going to giggle when the ketchup bottle farts.

I don't ask for much.
Let's watch some Star Wars, then play video games.

Bring pizza.

I remember now why I joined Twitter. People in real life don't listen to me.

You guys love me, right? Right?!!

If you haven't met fucking awesome people on the twitter, you're not doing it right.

I wasn't sure if I should say "Thank you" or "Thanks"

So, I just said "fuck it" and walked away.

pussy: the perfect snack.

I'm sure swallowing Cookie Monster's cum would lead straight to type 2 diabetes.

if your stars makes me feel like this, imagine what your kiss would do.

Ooh. I love when you RT and star me!!

I used to read actual books and draw with a pen and paper.

Thanks technology.

When I say something really stupid, just remember how fucking cute I am.

Deal?

I really like you, please don't make me regret this...

Please.