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Stepped Up 2 The Street Fighter 2 Fast 2 Furious and was attacked by a pack of wolves.
A gang of ninja pirates would seem dangerous until you saw that they were just a bunch of 8 year olds on Halloween.
The rap guy on the radio only wants a big booty gull for his birthday. Fly, fat seagull! Oh no, you’re gonna crash! Dammit, 2 Chainz.
What if flying squirrels were real?
The rhythm of bluegrass music was invented when some guy was trying to play banjo while riding a prancing horse.
This chick is singing a song about dead birds falling out of the sky and it sounds pretty cool.
Imagine how crazy your life would be if you were to eat a ‘complete breakfast’ every morning. Ice sculptures & an omelet station & shit…
Widespread Panic! At the Disco
Sorry for mumble singing in falsetto about about ghosts, witches, and vikings while I was listening to your instrumental metal song.
After removing my clean laundry from the dryer, I look around to make sure i’m alone before emptying the lint trap into my pocket.
So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
Opened an empty pizza box to find some ants at a birthday party. My gift was a free trip to the dumpster. Lucky ants.
*checks mesh shorts for pee dots* *winks and fires finger guns at all the pretty ladies*
What’s that disease where you get up at the butt crack of dawn on weekends to run/bike/swim in races to complain/brag about? I don’t have it
Don’t be that person who gets all offended when I make fun of Creed & Limp Bizkit.
Some great ‘90s soft rock at the grocery store tonight. I forgot about that 3 Musketeers song by Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart, & Sting.
First date idea: reenact Moonrise Kingdom
Sorry for creeping you out by showing up at your door dressed like a haunted scarecrow and saying, “more Ovaltine, please.”
You may never see a real dinosaur but someday you might see an autonomous robot T-Rex which is scarier because it’ll be bulletproof.
Thought I might make my username more clever by adding my birth year.