a copy of the letter i sent today #doritos http://t.co/pxw7ECOp

Macklemore puts down the newspaper with the headline "Macklemore? More like WACKlemore!" and silently weeps into his cheerios

"dodge ram" and "dodge charger" are both the names of cars and also sound pieces of advice

Attn: @bikinibabelover @extranapkins pic.twitter.com/XMhMfEBw

YOLO was way better when it was called "Death Is Certain"

@titusandronicus the jerk store has a really unsustainable business model when you think about it

@satellitehigh @kuujjuaq @boogiehowser I don't mean to brag/ I don't mean to boast/ but this is Fresh Air/ And I'm Terri Gross

@virgiltexas "I find this subject a little too personal, let's talk about trains instead" is also the universal aspergian response.

The Kubrick "Lolita" was good, but yknow what would have been better? A 9 hour film trilogy. In 3D at 48 FPS

you guys hear about that Gavin Rossdale & GWAR collab? They're calling it Bush vs Gore

i love this comic so much (by @extranapkins ) http://t.co/PubcHC5W

this is beer http://t.co/9Y50sIxI

I heard you & yr baristas are selling your espresso machines and buying v60s. I heard you're selling your v60s and buying espresso machines

i've almost got this great joke about the british invasion but I'm still working out the kinks.

list_of_all_star_trek_episodes_(all _series)_where_the_protagonist_isn't_sure_if_his_life_is_one_massive_delusion.txt

@catches_stars I once drove through Gary as they were setting the smokestacks on fire at twilight and it literally looked like hell

Westboro baptist x chick fil a advertising http://t.co/JjoAjtom

@rare_basement the couple next door got hopped up on meth and dick pills and fucked all night, screaming "MERRY CHRISTMAS" contantly

LADIES --- you can call me the Chesapeake bay 'cause I look pretty but I'm shallow as hell and have crabs.

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